More articles we didn't finish reading

These headlines are all real, directly copied from our RSS feed without editing. When we say we didn't read them, we mean it. They didn't exactly pull us in, for some reason...

• Gene Simmons to throw beer festival in downtown L.A.
  
• Bill and Hilary Clinton’s Wedding, 1975
  
• Elvis' Bible Sells for $94,000 at Auction
  
• The Return of the Ugly, Racist Pseudoscientist with a Small Penis
  
• Britney Spears forces us all to rethink our understanding of the game Twister (video)