More articles we didn't finish reading

These headlines are all real, directly copied from our RSS feed to here without editing. When we say we didn't read them, we mean it. They didn't exactly pull us in, for some reason...

• Not a Severed Penis in Sight
  
• Republican National Convention Fashion (Photos)
  
• Everything you never wanted to know about the mites that eat, crawl, and have sex on your face
  
• How to Write About Hermaphrodite Sex
  
• Nicki Minaj Endorses Zombies, Starships…and Mitt Romney?