More articles we [did not] [had to] finish reading

These headlines are all real, directly copied from our RSS feed without editing.

First, the did-nots.

• Cobra Sculpted out of 800 Pounds of Frozen Cow Dung
  
• Report: Ann Romney says no to ‘Dancing With the Stars’
  
• Glenn Beck’s ‘visionary’ two-billion dollar Ayn Rand-inspired survivalist amusement park commune!
  
• Housing Super Gets 6 Years for Sex with Tenants' Dog (via @ktmenick)
  
• Toilet Talk, Part 2
  
• Metallica Set Release Date for 3-D Film
  
• 38 Weird Varieties of Poutine
  

On the other hand, articles that had to read:

• Pimpkachu [Pic]
  
• Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was a Trekkie!
  
• Short Penis No Obstacle for 'Spermcasting' Barnacles