More articles we didn't finish reading

These headlines are all real, directly copied from our RSS feed without editing. When we say we didn't read them, we mean it. They didn't exactly pull us in, for some reason...

• The First-Ever World Champion Squirrel Cook Off
  
• Jennifer Aniston Launches Hair Care Line
  
• How to Make Corn Dog Brownies
  
• Review: 'Atlas Shrugged Part II: The Strike' is blandly mediocre
  
• Americans Are Getting Drunker and Fatter
  
• Honey Boo Boo endorses Barack Obama on 'Jimmy Kimmel Live'