Schedule for Lincoln-Douglas Debate
(Schedules for Legislative Debate, Public Forum Debate, Policy Debate, Humorous Interpretation Debate, Duo Interpretation Debate, Declamation Debate, and anything else you can put the word Debate after, are somewhere else, but you didn't care anyhow.)
Friday, October 18, 2013
6:00 AM — Wake up to Justin Bieber on clock radio alarm and realize that there’s another &$@*# tournament this weekend. Throw clock radio out the window, but still hear music, then realize that in fact you were sleeping with Justin Bieber, who is now propped up on his pillows strumming a ukulele. Pop out of bed immediately and hate yourself for the rest of your life.
11:30 AM – 1:00 PM — Registration in the Fairly Large Bronx auditorium. As with everything else associated with the tournament, registration has a name: The New York City Invitational "Michael Dukakis Tournament Registration." (Corporations willing to fork over a suitable amount of moolah can purchase this registration, as the Dukakis name is merely a placeholder, unless the Democratic Gubernatorial legend wishes to fork over a suitable amount of moolah himself. Imagine it: The New York City Invitational Preparation H Tournament Registration, or The New York City Invitational Kentucky Fried Chicken Tournament Registration, or The New York City Invitational Kale Growers of America Tournament Registration! We’ll put the posters wherever you want them.)
1:30 PM — Opening Remarks and Ceremony, including the Induction of New Hall of Foam Programs, Presentation of the Goombah of the Year Award, and Announcement of the Bronx Underachievement Awards. As this is just the first of many award ceremonies, moaning loudly throughout is mandatory. Please note that this year there will NOT be an award ceremony after every round. There will, however, be an award ceremony in every room DURING every round, probably around the 1AR in each flight. It’s the Bronx. Deal with it.
3:15 PM — The “Anyone Who Works for the Bronx Now Gets to Pretend They Went There” Round, AKA the “Struve” (double-flighted)
5:15 PM — The “Our Bus is on the Wrong Side of the Hudson But We’ll be There by Round Two” Round AKA The "The Bronx is on the Phone" Round(double-flighted)
6:00 PM — The “Ilene Dunay Foods of the World, Unite! (You have nothing to lose but your lunch)” Dinner Break, AKA the “I Say It’s Debate Ziti and I Say the Hell with It” round
8:00 PM — The “Bronx Benny NSFW Round” (private joke—pun intended—still funny after all these years—double-flighted)
Students being housed by host families on Friday night will be picked up in the East Gym following Round III. Housing families will drive into the gym through the north entrance; we ask that students keep a weather eye pealed so as not to be run down by an SUV in front of the concession stand.
Saturday, October 19, 2013
8:00 AM — The “Things Were a Lot Easier Back Before We Got this Bloody Octas Bid” Round AKA the” Gazzola” (double-flighted)
11:15 — The “Coachean Life Tribute Bathroom Break”. Debaters must wash hands after using. Judges must wash everything else.
11:00 AM — The “Roman Numerals Were on the Real Schedule if You Weren’t Sure of the Level of Pretentiousness” Round AKA the “You Call This Pretentious? Just Wait and See” Round (double-flighted)
2:00 PM — The “What? Another Round? Round” (double-flighted)
5:00 PM — The “Holy Mother of Pearl, Yet Another Round” Round AKA The “Every Year We Tell Him Six is Enough and Every Year He Starts Singing About Tradition” AKA The “Fiddler on the Roof” Round (double-flighted)
7:15 PM — Presentation of Superior Speaker Awards (the phrase Superior Speaker Awards is real and funnier than anything I could come up with) in Lincoln-Douglas Debate and of the Peter Colavito Olive Oil Award
Students who were housed Friday night who actually came back on Saturday morning will no doubt prefer to hide in the basement until the threat of housing again is over. Postings for the elimination rounds will be available online at Tabroom.com on Saturday night, but only if Menick gets a decent meal somewhere, otherwise he’ll just grouch and post some stupid joke thing, because let’s face it, everybody already knows how they’re doing so what’s the big mystery?
Sunday, October 20, 2013
8:00 AM — Snooze-off Round (if necessary) Judges who don’t show up will be hanged in effigy. Debaters who don’t show up will be marveled at
9:15 AM — Heterosexual-decimo Round (double-flighted and highly dubious)
11:30 AM — The "This Space Vacant" Round, to be named after the most important debate dignitary to show up for the weekend
1:00 PM — The What Happened to Lunch? Round, AKA, The “Wait a Minute! More Ziti?” Round
2:15 PM — The “Will the Matt Dunay be Struck Again From the Semifinal Debate That Bears His Name” Round, AKA “The Eponymous Matt”
3:30 PM — The “Imperial Starship Championship Debate and Chowder Tasting”
immediately followed by the Presentation of Richard B. Sodikow to the winning debater
1 comment:
I am still laughing!
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