This guy, bless his little heart, will not stop. Why me? I ask. Why me?
Dear Mr. Menick:
We trainees began our first live reporting sessions this weekend. The new interns at HQ were flown around the country for their first taste of forensic action. “You represent the lifeblood of schematics to a concerned and panicked international consituency,” we were told by Ms. Morgana, our mentor. Since we’re just starting out, management didn’t feel that we were ready to cover “real” events, so my assignment was the last CFL meet of the year at Scarsdale High in New York, a small but important tournament not on many (if any) team schedules. I know that I had never heard of it until I arrived at Scarsdale International Airport and was met by school limo. Who knew there was this much money behind one public school team?
I think you’ll agree that the reportage that I filed with HQ brings the tournament to life!
Dispatch #1, 8:52 a.m.
The first bus has arrived for the Scarsdale High School CFL! This is cub reporter Herm Melville reporting live for NC-17, and I’m standing on the sidewalk watching as, yes, our first bus has arrived, pulling up right in front of the high school. And, let’s see--it’s from Kate Hudson HS!
Welcome Kate Hud!
Dispatch #2, 9:03 a.m.
Tournament Director Mighty Joe Vaughan has just entered the building. He is wearing a gray scarf today and looks like a war-tossed orphan. (Mighty Joe Vaughan is scheduled for one of PCP’s “Debate Makeovers” in the near future, so stay tuned.)
Dispatch #3A, 9:04 a.m.
Tournament Director Mighty Joe Vaughan has exited the building and returned to his car. It’s anybody’s bet if he’ll return for the day.
Dispatch #3B, 9:05 a.m.
Tournament Director Mighty Joe Vaughan has returned to the building with a full complement of ballots, flow pads and lab animals.
Dispatch #4, 9:22 a.m.
The first doughnuts of the morning have been spotted in the judges’ lounge. Check out photo number one. The smell of coffee stretches all the way to the custodian’s closet. [Note: The photos did not print successfully to my blog. Sorry. JM]
Dispatch #5, 9:38 a.m.
The LD tab room, under the direction of Jim (“Antichrist”) Menick from Kate Hudson HS, has issued its first warning: Do not drink the water in the 3rd floor ladies room!
Dispatch #6, 10:13 a.m.
The schematics for Round One have been released. Check out photo two to see the pairings for yourself.
Dispatch #7, 11:02 a.m.
The schematics for Round Two have been released. Check out photo three to see the pairings for yourself. It’s getting pretty exciting around here. Rumor has it that round two was paired completely at random, but no one will officially comment one way or the other.
Dispatch #8, 12:18 p.m.
Pizza trucks have been spotted along the Post Road, and the buzz in the cafeteria is that they’re delivering to the tournament. In an exclusive interview, Tournament Director Mighty Joe Vaughan pointed out that the pizza will be sold at $1.50 a slice, which is $.70 less than NYC prices. Think of it: excellent debate, plus good food at reasonable prices. Yummy!
Dispatch #9, 12:28 p.m.
The first debater to purchase a slice of pizza for $1.50 was BRONX RS (Rick Soddy).
Dispatch #10, 1:48 p.m.
Things are pretty quiet as we wait for the Round 3 pairings. Check out photo four to see a cafeteria seat where Doug Lieb, Dave Lebowitz and Matt Shields are all rumored to have sat at some time in the last 4 years (but not at the same time).
Dispatch #11, 2:12 p.m.
The schematics for Round Three have been released. Check out photo five to see the pairings for yourself.
Dispatch #12, 2:33 p.m.
Things are quiet around here. Too quiet.
Dispatch #13, 2:52 p.m.
There is a mall not very far from the school, where your DOD correspondent is pleased to report that there’s a great sale on cotton V-necks at the Gap.
Dispatch #14, 3:51 p.m.
They’re offering free samples of corned beef and cabbage cookies at William Sonoma.
Check out photo number six. This is one really great mall. Thank God I had the limo.
Dispatch #15, 4:45 p.m.
Everyone is gone from the high school. The tournament must have ended. This is Herm Melville, Cub Reporter, signing off for STP!
1 comment:
Brilliance. At least they let you into your own tab room!
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