Parental units

Last night I met with the parents. This is always rather fun. I have notes of what to cover, of course, but to some extent when I talk like this—and talk I did, endlessly—it’s as much a race to see how much I’ll overlook as anything else. For instance, I forgot my favorite bit where I tell them that for tournaments they have to dress their kids like little lawyers. Always good for a larf. I’ve also used the paradigm, they should look as if their grandmother has dressed them for a religious service. They should not look as if they would be at home in a rap video, in other words, although I’ve never put it that way to the adults. Accordingly, I also forgot to tell them that, if they (the parents) accompany us, they can look exactly as if they’d be at home in a rap video. I certainly do, when I go to tournaments. People often stop me and ask me if I am a gangsta. I just give them a menacing look in reply.

[Insert musical interlude: “I see by your outfit / That you are a gangsta..”]

Anyhow, it was a good turnout, with some gaps, unfortunately. I should be used to that by now, and once or twice it’s only been because there’s many a slip between the kid finding out about the meeting and the parent actually getting the news that the meeting is happening, but generally it’s because the parents figure it doesn’t matter. And I guess, for them, it doesn’t. Another thing I didn’t say last night, but which is absolutely true, is that I’ve never seen a super forensician who didn’t have solid parental support, be it schlepping or judging or helping the coach run their own tournament or whatever. Fortunately, most parents are on the ball. What can I say? As any teacher will tell you, when there’s a need for parents to show up at the school for their kids, the ones who really didn’t have to show up always do, and the ones that should be showing up always don’t. Anybody can have a kid. Not anybody can be a parent, though.

My parent orientation spiel explains what the school does (Hen Hud pays for a lot but not all of it), how tournaments work and which ones we go to, and how the various activities are structured. I describe LD and the speech events. I tell them my door is always open and that there’s more brain dump on my website than is even marginally sane. I told them we’re working on getting a speech coach Real Soon Now. I tell them that if their kid goes to the Harvard tournament, their likelihood of getting into Harvard is as much improved as if they had simply kept the kid home with a plate of Harvard beets. I tell them that if their kid wants them to spend $500 or so a pop to fly around the country to the schmancy tournaments, it behooves them to discover if the kid has a warrant for being there, seeing that it’s their money, and that I will help them do the CBA on it. I tell them that we will train them to judge, and when they should show up. And finally, I enlist their aid in running Bump. I do this by throwing myself against the door and telling them that no one gets out alive until all the positions are filled. Last night they were well up to the challenge, and all the positions are indeed filled for the 2010 edition, and I am sanguine about the quality of grub in the judges’ lounge and in the cafeteria, and I am close to getting a guarantee of more housing slots.

So, all in all, it was a good session, well attended. I’m now back to only two nights a week in the hole. And when the Speech Coach comes on board, only one. And after the People’s Champion takes over my job, as O’C insists he well, I can finally stay home and catch up on Law & Order, which I’ve just started watching. The first season. I’ve seen 3 episodes. I have a lot of catching up to do.