I Met this Morning Monday’s Modules

LOS LONELY DEBATERS, CA. — Students last night met with their lab leaders for the first time, and in many cases the first night students met their lab leaders for the last time, except for those who are in the middle of time and don’t know if they’re coming or going. But this morning, which followed last night as the dawn follows the, uh, night, the vast majority of our students are participating in two elective modules because, well, what the hell else are they going to do? (In the loo, the novice debaters met with their lab leaders, Jewish Cruz and Christian Keil, for a full-length lab session, about which the less said, the better.)

Across both morning sessions, students had nineteen modules from which to choose, fifteen from which to misquote evidence and seven to avoid like the proverbial plague. The complete list of morning modules is available here in this article, after the jump. If you prefer not to jump, we understand completely. It was long weekend for us, too.

The options during the first module session are “Hedge Funds for the High Schooler” with Shamus Stafford, “Applying Illegal Arguments in the Debate Context and Getting Away With it Like a Bandit” with Matt (“Evidence? What evidence?”) Wilson, “World of Case Craft” with Lara Croft, “IR You Are Theory and Practice, Part I: In the Beginning, an Introduction, Or, The Early Years—a Prelude” with John (“Start Me Up”) Lewis, “Criticisms of Human Rights and United States Foreign Policy” with Stephen Babb, but don’t let Sarah Palin hear you criticizing them or she’ll set the mama grizzlies on you, “The Lighter Side of the Holocaust” with Happy van Elswyk, “Nostrumia and Permanent Depression” with Bahamas Castillo, “International Relations Theory” with Christian Tarsney (no relation to Christian Kiel, it’s just that we ran out of instructor names so we had to assign some duplicates), and “Flowing 101 Spreads, which Seems Like Maybe 90 too Many″ with Danielle Smorgasbord.

The options during the second module session are “Going Home” with Your Mother, “Conception during Debate—the Naughty Bits” with Tim Case (who really was named after the thing you bring into a round that is either affirmative or negative, because his parents just knew he was going to be a debate person), “Building Presence” with somebody, we forget who, “Defense Against Dark Arts” with J.P. Betterham, “Kant’s Categorical Imperative” with Ryan Hamilton, who is something of a Dark Art himself, and if you ask us, old Betterham should be running a module called “Defense Against Ryan Hamilton,” “International Relations Theory and Practice, Part II: Issues in IR You Are” with John Lewis, who really seems to be into this whole I are / You Are thing, to which we can only say, Pi is round, “A Kiss on the Wrist Can be so Continental but Metaphysics are a Girl’s Best Friend” with Jacob’s Levis, “Introduction to Logic, or Not” with old Happy van E again, and “The Princess of Refutation” with Cinderella.

Who attended which modules? You really care? Are you out of your mind? The World Cup is over and this is what you decide to obsess on? Jeesh!