Showing posts with label Rude. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rude. Show all posts
Monday, January 05, 2015
In which we are happy to find new CPs
First day back, and as always, the DJ provides the crappy prizes most coaches can only dream of.
Wednesday, November 05, 2014
In which we are earnest
For reasons that defy analysis, we are teetering on the brink of cancelling the Monti MHL In a word, no one is signing up. Granted, it’s always been a smallish event, but it is nevertheless always been a useful one. (Then again, I haven’t got any Sailors going to it, so who am I to complain? I think in our case it’s because people are taking this opportunity to pursue their other extracurricular activities. There are other extracurricular activities? Who knew?)
I was disappointed this morning to see that O’C will be doing Oscar Wilde for next Halloween, rather than my choice, which was Chester Bea Arthur, which would have allowed him to reuse most of this year’s costume. Then again, I am thinking of going with him next year, wearing boxing gloves. (True Wildeans will get that reference, which is pretty nasty. The rest of you can Google it. And I am a true Wildean. Always have been. There’s even a character called Bunbury in Nostrum. And to be honest, I’m probably a bigger fan of Wilde than I am of Bea Arthur, so there you are.) Anyhow, prepare for sunflowers. I do hope O’C brings along someone to portray the wife and kiddies. And Bosie. (And even more parens: the wag who coined “If you were smarter, I’d be funnier,” use to work with me at the DJ, where, he once claimed, when it comes to editing our books, “the love that dare not speak its name can take a number.”)
Meanwhile, I’m really threatening the Fates with Bump division sizes, which are way too big for the sites. I won’t say I’m rooting for Ebola to hit the region, but a little dengue fever wouldn’t be so bad. Or the yaws. Whatever. I’m just hoping there’s a sudden whoosh of registrants toward the exit when things close next Monday. I don’t think many of them will be replaced.
I was disappointed this morning to see that O’C will be doing Oscar Wilde for next Halloween, rather than my choice, which was Chester Bea Arthur, which would have allowed him to reuse most of this year’s costume. Then again, I am thinking of going with him next year, wearing boxing gloves. (True Wildeans will get that reference, which is pretty nasty. The rest of you can Google it. And I am a true Wildean. Always have been. There’s even a character called Bunbury in Nostrum. And to be honest, I’m probably a bigger fan of Wilde than I am of Bea Arthur, so there you are.) Anyhow, prepare for sunflowers. I do hope O’C brings along someone to portray the wife and kiddies. And Bosie. (And even more parens: the wag who coined “If you were smarter, I’d be funnier,” use to work with me at the DJ, where, he once claimed, when it comes to editing our books, “the love that dare not speak its name can take a number.”)
Meanwhile, I’m really threatening the Fates with Bump division sizes, which are way too big for the sites. I won’t say I’m rooting for Ebola to hit the region, but a little dengue fever wouldn’t be so bad. Or the yaws. Whatever. I’m just hoping there’s a sudden whoosh of registrants toward the exit when things close next Monday. I don’t think many of them will be replaced.
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
In which we preview this year's BB Opening Award Ceremony
I read in the Times this morning that the Dutch Army—all of it—has checked into the tournament hotel, so they’ll be ready for the opening ceremony on Friday. They’ll be marching into the auditorium in full battle regalia, acting as an honor guard for this year’s winners of the Bronx Disillusion Awards, given annually to former debate people who have demonstrated a firm resolve to get as far away from the activity as possible until Jon Cruz set a trap for them in their backyards and hauled them in bodily, torturing them by repeated forced viewings of the Bea Arthur segment of the 1978 Star Wars Holiday Show until they finally capitulated and agreed to show up, just make it stop, just make it stop, JUST MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!!
After the induction of the new honorees, there will be a musical interlude during which Stephen Sondheim ’47 (well, not really, he went to the George School in Pennsylvania, but he probably wishes he went to Bronx Science, so we’ll just fudge it) will conduct the Sumerian Philharmonic Orchestra in a rousing rendition of the Bronx Fight Song (“Pick up your pencils, put down your pencils, hand in your papers, try not to drop the ball this time you schmegeggie”) followed by the original cast of “Oh Calcutta” performing a medley of their hit from the show. It is unclear whether or not they will be wearing their costumes from the show.
Next up, Jon Cruz will descend from the rafters in a hot air balloon. Given the amount of hot air at the average Bronx opening ceremony, this is probably not going to be as impressive as it sounds. Once his feet hit the ground, followed presumably by the rest of him, Cruz will make the preliminary announcements, telling the assembled multitudes the amount of prep time for Declamation Debate, that the official name for Policy at the Bronx is Polic-I-Mean-Team Debate, that the bathrooms will be closed for the duration of the weekend in honor of preserving the oceans (this year’s Polic-I-Mean-Team Debate resolution), and that those people you saw at the entrance to the building in hazmat suits are purely coincidental and you shouldn’t pay the least bit of attention to them.
At around this time, as everyone in the auditorium is about ten minutes into streaming the latest episode of NCIS: Ripon and paying no attention whatsoever to what’s happening on the stage, the curtain will pull back to reveal the Bolshoi ballet performing theBallbuster Nutcracker Suite accompanied by some guy with GarageBand hacked onto an Apple 2GS. Seven of the people in the auditorium will look up momentarily and then go back to their television show.
In the Grand Finale of the ceremony, following a brief demonstration of the Glorious Dancing Fountains Water Vaganza (all other vaganzas are, of course, extra), this year's travelling awards will travel on their own power from whoever had them last year down to the stage, where they will take pride of place among the 3,283,291 other awards already on the stage waiting to be presented. A fifteen minute firework display, a short prayer for the repose of the immobile and the release of 1500 pigeons of the world into the auditorium will mark the end of the event.
(NOTE: all participants at the award ceremony will be given an umbrella in advance of the pigeon release.)
(ALSO NOTE: the serving of squab internationale for lunch on Saturday as part of the Foods of the World Unite is entirely unrelated to the pigeon release. However, a bounty of a buck a pidge will be paid out immediately following the closing of the opening ceremony. How many other tournaments can you think of that offer you a chance to earn back your entry fee?)
After the induction of the new honorees, there will be a musical interlude during which Stephen Sondheim ’47 (well, not really, he went to the George School in Pennsylvania, but he probably wishes he went to Bronx Science, so we’ll just fudge it) will conduct the Sumerian Philharmonic Orchestra in a rousing rendition of the Bronx Fight Song (“Pick up your pencils, put down your pencils, hand in your papers, try not to drop the ball this time you schmegeggie”) followed by the original cast of “Oh Calcutta” performing a medley of their hit from the show. It is unclear whether or not they will be wearing their costumes from the show.
Next up, Jon Cruz will descend from the rafters in a hot air balloon. Given the amount of hot air at the average Bronx opening ceremony, this is probably not going to be as impressive as it sounds. Once his feet hit the ground, followed presumably by the rest of him, Cruz will make the preliminary announcements, telling the assembled multitudes the amount of prep time for Declamation Debate, that the official name for Policy at the Bronx is Polic-I-Mean-Team Debate, that the bathrooms will be closed for the duration of the weekend in honor of preserving the oceans (this year’s Polic-I-Mean-Team Debate resolution), and that those people you saw at the entrance to the building in hazmat suits are purely coincidental and you shouldn’t pay the least bit of attention to them.
At around this time, as everyone in the auditorium is about ten minutes into streaming the latest episode of NCIS: Ripon and paying no attention whatsoever to what’s happening on the stage, the curtain will pull back to reveal the Bolshoi ballet performing the
In the Grand Finale of the ceremony, following a brief demonstration of the Glorious Dancing Fountains Water Vaganza (all other vaganzas are, of course, extra), this year's travelling awards will travel on their own power from whoever had them last year down to the stage, where they will take pride of place among the 3,283,291 other awards already on the stage waiting to be presented. A fifteen minute firework display, a short prayer for the repose of the immobile and the release of 1500 pigeons of the world into the auditorium will mark the end of the event.
(NOTE: all participants at the award ceremony will be given an umbrella in advance of the pigeon release.)
(ALSO NOTE: the serving of squab internationale for lunch on Saturday as part of the Foods of the World Unite is entirely unrelated to the pigeon release. However, a bounty of a buck a pidge will be paid out immediately following the closing of the opening ceremony. How many other tournaments can you think of that offer you a chance to earn back your entry fee?)
Thursday, October 09, 2014
In which we leak the instructions to the PF judges
As we were able to discover the guidelines to the LD judges on speaker points at the upcoming NYC Invitational, we have also discovered an early version of the overall instructions to the PF judges that will be printed on the ballots. Whether these instructions will be final remains to be seen.
TOPIC: It is better for professional sports teams to play in stadiums than on the streets, but if we hear about just one more pro athlete behaving badly we should stop professional sports altogether and go back to reading Thoreau, which is almost as exciting as, say, the World Series or the Superbowl, provided you have a really low threshold for defining the concept of exciting.
• Judges should decide the round as it is debated, not based on their personal beliefs. In other words, the debaters are not here to change your mind, but to convince you as if you had no mind at all, which I assure you is what they will believe if you don't vote for them.
• Written ballots are important to the coaches to understand what happened in the round. This could require the judge to actually pay attention during the round, and we apologize in advance if this is an inconvenience.
• We understand that this may be the first time some of you have been exposed to spoken English, so when it comes time to write your ballot, don’t get carried away. “The Pro Teem Was Moor Serpuasive” is about as much as you need to say, especially if you think the Con won.
• We are hoping to have total adoption of electronic ballots. To enable this process, you can use either a computer, a tablet or a smart phone to access our wireless. If this last sentence was a total mystery to you, tab will be happy to provide you with paper ballots completely filled out, including the winners and losers and the RFD, “The Pro Teem Was Moor Serpuasive.”
• Debaters should advocate or reject the resolution in manner clear to a non-specialist citizen judge. That’s you. Clash of ideas is essential to debate. Clash of fists, on the other hand, is taking things a little too far. If fisticuffs do break out during a round you are adjudicating, the prudent course for you to take is to let them duke it out. Each debater should be assigned speaker points in the opposite order of hitting the canvas.
• Debaters should display logic and reasoning, advocate a position, use evidence, and communicate clear ideas using professional decorum. Like that’s gonna happen…
• Neither the pro nor con should offer a plan or counterplan, defined as a formalized, comprehensive proposal for implementation. Rather, they should offer reasoning to support a position of advocacy. Debaters may offer generalized, practical solutions. The funny thing is, despite the fact that all this doesn’t make much sense and there’s virtually no way to address most resolutions without evaluating implementation, we stick by it. Worse, half the time debaters in the round who are offering a plan or counterplan immediately cry foul when the opponents offer a plan or counterplan and demand an immediate victory for their side. Judges who can work their way through this conundrum are to be congratulated.
• Crossfire should be dedicated to questions and answers rather than reading evidence. Evidence may be referenced. There are probably other things we could say about crossfire, like for instance it may or may not be important, it may or may not be counted into your decision calculus, and it may or may not be clear who is asking whom what, but those are beside the point. The important thing for the judge is to somehow survive the Grande Crossfire, where all four debaters are talking at once and no one is making any sense. Meanwhile, you can thank your lucky stars that we are not using Venti Crossfire, where the judge also has to participate. If you have noise-cancelling headphones, Grande Crossfire is the time to use them.
• No new arguments may be introduced in the Final Focus; however, debaters may include new evidence to support prior arguments. The reason for this is, of course, that you can’t start something new to which your opponents will not be able to reply. However, once the round is over and the decision is announced, the losing debaters are encouraged to take on an attitude of high dudgeon and explain to the judge how idiotic this decision is and to attempt to convince the judge to change the decision. Judges are encouraged to entertain such suggestions, and run into the tab room and explain how they didn’t know what they were doing until these helpful debaters explained it more clearly. That way the tab room will have a good laugh while surreptitiously marking you as a C judge for the next round.
• Debaters must supply evidence on request to the judge or their opponents. Evidence is, surprisingly, not the sentence in their case where they said that 34% of all dentists recommend Viagra to their patients who chew gum. Evidence is a copy of the original article in Dental-Marital Arts Magazine where the dentists themselves said that 34% of all dentists recommend Viagra to their patients who chew gum. Don’t be fooled by substitutes.
TOPIC: It is better for professional sports teams to play in stadiums than on the streets, but if we hear about just one more pro athlete behaving badly we should stop professional sports altogether and go back to reading Thoreau, which is almost as exciting as, say, the World Series or the Superbowl, provided you have a really low threshold for defining the concept of exciting.
• Judges should decide the round as it is debated, not based on their personal beliefs. In other words, the debaters are not here to change your mind, but to convince you as if you had no mind at all, which I assure you is what they will believe if you don't vote for them.
• Written ballots are important to the coaches to understand what happened in the round. This could require the judge to actually pay attention during the round, and we apologize in advance if this is an inconvenience.
• We understand that this may be the first time some of you have been exposed to spoken English, so when it comes time to write your ballot, don’t get carried away. “The Pro Teem Was Moor Serpuasive” is about as much as you need to say, especially if you think the Con won.
• We are hoping to have total adoption of electronic ballots. To enable this process, you can use either a computer, a tablet or a smart phone to access our wireless. If this last sentence was a total mystery to you, tab will be happy to provide you with paper ballots completely filled out, including the winners and losers and the RFD, “The Pro Teem Was Moor Serpuasive.”
• Debaters should advocate or reject the resolution in manner clear to a non-specialist citizen judge. That’s you. Clash of ideas is essential to debate. Clash of fists, on the other hand, is taking things a little too far. If fisticuffs do break out during a round you are adjudicating, the prudent course for you to take is to let them duke it out. Each debater should be assigned speaker points in the opposite order of hitting the canvas.
• Debaters should display logic and reasoning, advocate a position, use evidence, and communicate clear ideas using professional decorum. Like that’s gonna happen…
• Neither the pro nor con should offer a plan or counterplan, defined as a formalized, comprehensive proposal for implementation. Rather, they should offer reasoning to support a position of advocacy. Debaters may offer generalized, practical solutions. The funny thing is, despite the fact that all this doesn’t make much sense and there’s virtually no way to address most resolutions without evaluating implementation, we stick by it. Worse, half the time debaters in the round who are offering a plan or counterplan immediately cry foul when the opponents offer a plan or counterplan and demand an immediate victory for their side. Judges who can work their way through this conundrum are to be congratulated.
• Crossfire should be dedicated to questions and answers rather than reading evidence. Evidence may be referenced. There are probably other things we could say about crossfire, like for instance it may or may not be important, it may or may not be counted into your decision calculus, and it may or may not be clear who is asking whom what, but those are beside the point. The important thing for the judge is to somehow survive the Grande Crossfire, where all four debaters are talking at once and no one is making any sense. Meanwhile, you can thank your lucky stars that we are not using Venti Crossfire, where the judge also has to participate. If you have noise-cancelling headphones, Grande Crossfire is the time to use them.
• No new arguments may be introduced in the Final Focus; however, debaters may include new evidence to support prior arguments. The reason for this is, of course, that you can’t start something new to which your opponents will not be able to reply. However, once the round is over and the decision is announced, the losing debaters are encouraged to take on an attitude of high dudgeon and explain to the judge how idiotic this decision is and to attempt to convince the judge to change the decision. Judges are encouraged to entertain such suggestions, and run into the tab room and explain how they didn’t know what they were doing until these helpful debaters explained it more clearly. That way the tab room will have a good laugh while surreptitiously marking you as a C judge for the next round.
• Debaters must supply evidence on request to the judge or their opponents. Evidence is, surprisingly, not the sentence in their case where they said that 34% of all dentists recommend Viagra to their patients who chew gum. Evidence is a copy of the original article in Dental-Marital Arts Magazine where the dentists themselves said that 34% of all dentists recommend Viagra to their patients who chew gum. Don’t be fooled by substitutes.
Tuesday, October 07, 2014
In which we succumb to the annual October tempation
The following was leaked from this year’s Fairly Large Bronx tournament. I’m not sure if it represents what they’ll actually print on the LD ballots.
Judges: Please use the following guidelines for assigning speaker points.
30: avoid at all costs, unless you want Vaughan to come out of tab and hit you over the head with a frying pan
29: debater paid a boatload of money for private coaches
28: lone LDer on all-Speech squad hoping to last long enough to have to find private transportation home to avoid the singing of show tunes on the bus
27: may break to runoff round, but will then immediately be torn into limp Froot Loops by the top seed
26: unlikely to break to runoff round at this tournament, the next tournament, or for that matter any tournament ever, and should have joined the 43-man Squamish team when he had the chance
25: ran an RBI vs an SUV while misquoting the TMI card, creating a violation of the DMV for the IRS and not responding to repeated cries of “Hey, you, wake up!” (Or something like that. I mean, it's LD. Who knows what the hell anyone is talking about anymore?)
24 and below: use only for exceptionally poor fashion/grooming choices including rampant nose hair, Doctor Who bowties and VPBs (visible plumber's butts). Wearing Chester A. Arthur costume is unlikely to sway anyone but the tournament director, and who cares what he thinks?
We will be using tenths of points despite our belief that the likelihood of any judge objectively being able to assign a range of 50-60 different designations between 24 and 30 is about as likely as any judge being able to identify chemical elements from their atomic number. (Quick: What’s 105?) Keep in mind that when a round is 28.6 v 27.2, the tab room will inevitably fall on the floor laughing while the judge nevertheless maintains that he/she knows exactly what those points mean. [Snort!]
Because we are using a scale that defies everything we know about the human ability to choose between more than a handful of alternatives, no tied points will be allowed, as that would make things too easy. Untied points will also not be allowed.
Low point wins are acceptable, but meaningless if it’s only a tenth of a point. If you’re going to assign a LPW, make it a humdinger, like 29.9 v 21.2. Now that’s the kind of low point win you can take to the bank.
(Fans of this sort of thing are advised to check out http://coachean.blogspot.com/2011/10/big-bronx-schedule.html)
Judges: Please use the following guidelines for assigning speaker points.
30: avoid at all costs, unless you want Vaughan to come out of tab and hit you over the head with a frying pan
29: debater paid a boatload of money for private coaches
28: lone LDer on all-Speech squad hoping to last long enough to have to find private transportation home to avoid the singing of show tunes on the bus
27: may break to runoff round, but will then immediately be torn into limp Froot Loops by the top seed
26: unlikely to break to runoff round at this tournament, the next tournament, or for that matter any tournament ever, and should have joined the 43-man Squamish team when he had the chance
25: ran an RBI vs an SUV while misquoting the TMI card, creating a violation of the DMV for the IRS and not responding to repeated cries of “Hey, you, wake up!” (Or something like that. I mean, it's LD. Who knows what the hell anyone is talking about anymore?)
24 and below: use only for exceptionally poor fashion/grooming choices including rampant nose hair, Doctor Who bowties and VPBs (visible plumber's butts). Wearing Chester A. Arthur costume is unlikely to sway anyone but the tournament director, and who cares what he thinks?
We will be using tenths of points despite our belief that the likelihood of any judge objectively being able to assign a range of 50-60 different designations between 24 and 30 is about as likely as any judge being able to identify chemical elements from their atomic number. (Quick: What’s 105?) Keep in mind that when a round is 28.6 v 27.2, the tab room will inevitably fall on the floor laughing while the judge nevertheless maintains that he/she knows exactly what those points mean. [Snort!]
Because we are using a scale that defies everything we know about the human ability to choose between more than a handful of alternatives, no tied points will be allowed, as that would make things too easy. Untied points will also not be allowed.
Low point wins are acceptable, but meaningless if it’s only a tenth of a point. If you’re going to assign a LPW, make it a humdinger, like 29.9 v 21.2. Now that’s the kind of low point win you can take to the bank.
(Fans of this sort of thing are advised to check out http://coachean.blogspot.com/2011/10/big-bronx-schedule.html)
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
In which, having nothing good to say, we become slightly rude
I’m trying to get Bietz and Palmer together for a podcast discussion or two on the next batch of LD rezzes. Probably next week. And we’ll see if we can do it in such a way that others can join in. Easier said than done, since I tried this last time and got nowhere, but we’ll keep at it.
Slowly but surely I’m getting a handle on the new DJ responsibilities, and the pressure is lightening a little. I’m able to eat lunch again, for instance, without working at the same time. I’m still finding lots of online articles of debate to share, but I’ve been shooting them all over to the NDCA twitter account. Which means I’ll shut down the virtual magazines next time I have a free minute. They were fun to do, but there’s really no time for them anymore. If I find a non-debate link that I just have to share, I’ll toss it into Fb, which more and more becomes people throwing in links they think they just have to share. The VCA knows I’ve never been all that addicted to Fb, unlike some people who, if you post the slightest thing, comment on it or like it before you’ve even removed your fingers from the keys. I don’t get it. Nobody on there is saying anything all that interesting.
This weekend we’re going with O’C to Mallios’s restaurant in NYC. Mallios is ex-Bronx, alum and coach both, and his place is apparently quite the spot. It’s the first time for me. I have to admit, I like it when a Bronx person goes on and succeeds. It so rarely happens… Not since Bobby Darin, really. Although there are those who might dispute me on this. (Some people just never liked Bobby Darin.)
Slowly but surely I’m getting a handle on the new DJ responsibilities, and the pressure is lightening a little. I’m able to eat lunch again, for instance, without working at the same time. I’m still finding lots of online articles of debate to share, but I’ve been shooting them all over to the NDCA twitter account. Which means I’ll shut down the virtual magazines next time I have a free minute. They were fun to do, but there’s really no time for them anymore. If I find a non-debate link that I just have to share, I’ll toss it into Fb, which more and more becomes people throwing in links they think they just have to share. The VCA knows I’ve never been all that addicted to Fb, unlike some people who, if you post the slightest thing, comment on it or like it before you’ve even removed your fingers from the keys. I don’t get it. Nobody on there is saying anything all that interesting.
This weekend we’re going with O’C to Mallios’s restaurant in NYC. Mallios is ex-Bronx, alum and coach both, and his place is apparently quite the spot. It’s the first time for me. I have to admit, I like it when a Bronx person goes on and succeeds. It so rarely happens… Not since Bobby Darin, really. Although there are those who might dispute me on this. (Some people just never liked Bobby Darin.)
Friday, December 20, 2013
A special rude CL exclusive!!!
The following are the texts that O’C sends before tournaments. Every tournament. Every time.
Leaving now. No changes in our registration!!!
2 students just showed up not on the registration. I’m fixing it on tabroom. Everything good.
Leaving now. Can I get access to tabroom?
One of our policy teams has to go maverick. Partner suffering advanced stage dengue fever. Missed that. Oops.
Leaving now.
Registration is good. Thanks. You’re the best. No more changes.
One more change. Drop novice LDer Bronx FU.
Leaving now. For real. We’ll be there before registration ends.
Stuck on ramp of GW Bridge.
Still stuck on ramp of GWB.
Stuck on GWB.
Stuck getting off GWB.
Just realized that tournament is in NY and we shouldn’t have gotten on GWB.
Getting off GWB. Turning around, heading back to NY.
Earthquake in Hoboken. Bus only shaken, not stirred. Should be there in time for Round 1.
Stuck on ramp of GW Bridge.
One of my debaters looks like Millard Fillmore. LOL.
Wait a minute. One of my debaters IS Millard Fillmore. OMG!
Heading north in NY now. Could you put us all in Flight B?
Five minutes away.
No more changes in registration. Can we mail in the check?
Driver is lost, and my phone is dying.
Should be there for Flight A of round 3.
We’re in Canada.
Back on track. Should be there soon.
Five minutes away.
Almost there.
We’re pulling up outside the school.
Wrong school.
Almost there.
Five minutes away.
WE’RE HERE!!!
Oops. Wrong school again.
Almost there.
Five minutes away.
We’re here. Really and truly. For real. I mean it this time. I can see you standing there scowling.
Oh, wait a minute. That’s not you. Wrong school. What tournament is this again?
Almost there.
Five minutes away.
Damn it. I left my computer back at the school.
I left my pants back at the school.
Can I borrow a pen?
Five minutes away.
WE’RE HERE!!!
Oops.
FML
Leaving now. No changes in our registration!!!
2 students just showed up not on the registration. I’m fixing it on tabroom. Everything good.
Leaving now. Can I get access to tabroom?
One of our policy teams has to go maverick. Partner suffering advanced stage dengue fever. Missed that. Oops.
Leaving now.
Registration is good. Thanks. You’re the best. No more changes.
One more change. Drop novice LDer Bronx FU.
Leaving now. For real. We’ll be there before registration ends.
Stuck on ramp of GW Bridge.
Still stuck on ramp of GWB.
Stuck on GWB.
Stuck getting off GWB.
Just realized that tournament is in NY and we shouldn’t have gotten on GWB.
Getting off GWB. Turning around, heading back to NY.
Earthquake in Hoboken. Bus only shaken, not stirred. Should be there in time for Round 1.
Stuck on ramp of GW Bridge.
One of my debaters looks like Millard Fillmore. LOL.
Wait a minute. One of my debaters IS Millard Fillmore. OMG!
Heading north in NY now. Could you put us all in Flight B?
Five minutes away.
No more changes in registration. Can we mail in the check?
Driver is lost, and my phone is dying.
Should be there for Flight A of round 3.
We’re in Canada.
Back on track. Should be there soon.
Five minutes away.
Almost there.
We’re pulling up outside the school.
Wrong school.
Almost there.
Five minutes away.
WE’RE HERE!!!
Oops. Wrong school again.
Almost there.
Five minutes away.
We’re here. Really and truly. For real. I mean it this time. I can see you standing there scowling.
Oh, wait a minute. That’s not you. Wrong school. What tournament is this again?
Almost there.
Five minutes away.
Damn it. I left my computer back at the school.
I left my pants back at the school.
Can I borrow a pen?
Five minutes away.
WE’RE HERE!!!
Oops.
FML
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Updated 2013 Schedule for Fairly Large Bronx So-Called-Invitational Tournament, LD Division
Schedule for Lincoln-Douglas Debate
(Schedules for Legislative Debate, Public Forum Debate, Policy Debate, Humorous Interpretation Debate, Duo Interpretation Debate, Declamation Debate, and anything else you can put the word Debate after, are somewhere else, but you didn't care anyhow.)
Friday, October 18, 2013
6:00 AM — Wake up to Justin Bieber on clock radio alarm and realize that there’s another &$@*# tournament this weekend. Throw clock radio out the window, but still hear music, then realize that in fact you were sleeping with Justin Bieber, who is now propped up on his pillows strumming a ukulele. Pop out of bed immediately and hate yourself for the rest of your life.
11:30 AM – 1:00 PM — Registration in the Fairly Large Bronx auditorium. As with everything else associated with the tournament, registration has a name: The New York City Invitational "Michael Dukakis Tournament Registration." (Corporations willing to fork over a suitable amount of moolah can purchase this registration, as the Dukakis name is merely a placeholder, unless the Democratic Gubernatorial legend wishes to fork over a suitable amount of moolah himself. Imagine it: The New York City Invitational Preparation H Tournament Registration, or The New York City Invitational Kentucky Fried Chicken Tournament Registration, or The New York City Invitational Kale Growers of America Tournament Registration! We’ll put the posters wherever you want them.)
1:30 PM — Opening Remarks and Ceremony, including the Induction of New Hall of Foam Programs, Presentation of the Goombah of the Year Award, and Announcement of the Bronx Underachievement Awards. As this is just the first of many award ceremonies, moaning loudly throughout is mandatory. Please note that this year there will NOT be an award ceremony after every round. There will, however, be an award ceremony in every room DURING every round, probably around the 1AR in each flight. It’s the Bronx. Deal with it.
3:15 PM — The “Anyone Who Works for the Bronx Now Gets to Pretend They Went There” Round, AKA the “Struve” (double-flighted)
5:15 PM — The “Our Bus is on the Wrong Side of the Hudson But We’ll be There by Round Two” Round AKA The "The Bronx is on the Phone" Round(double-flighted)
6:00 PM — The “Ilene Dunay Foods of the World, Unite! (You have nothing to lose but your lunch)” Dinner Break, AKA the “I Say It’s Debate Ziti and I Say the Hell with It” round
8:00 PM — The “Bronx Benny NSFW Round” (private joke—pun intended—still funny after all these years—double-flighted)
Students being housed by host families on Friday night will be picked up in the East Gym following Round III. Housing families will drive into the gym through the north entrance; we ask that students keep a weather eye pealed so as not to be run down by an SUV in front of the concession stand.
Saturday, October 19, 2013
8:00 AM — The “Things Were a Lot Easier Back Before We Got this Bloody Octas Bid” Round AKA the” Gazzola” (double-flighted)
11:15 — The “Coachean Life Tribute Bathroom Break”. Debaters must wash hands after using. Judges must wash everything else.
11:00 AM — The “Roman Numerals Were on the Real Schedule if You Weren’t Sure of the Level of Pretentiousness” Round AKA the “You Call This Pretentious? Just Wait and See” Round (double-flighted)
2:00 PM — The “What? Another Round? Round” (double-flighted)
5:00 PM — The “Holy Mother of Pearl, Yet Another Round” Round AKA The “Every Year We Tell Him Six is Enough and Every Year He Starts Singing About Tradition” AKA The “Fiddler on the Roof” Round (double-flighted)
7:15 PM — Presentation of Superior Speaker Awards (the phrase Superior Speaker Awards is real and funnier than anything I could come up with) in Lincoln-Douglas Debate and of the Peter Colavito Olive Oil Award
Students who were housed Friday night who actually came back on Saturday morning will no doubt prefer to hide in the basement until the threat of housing again is over. Postings for the elimination rounds will be available online at Tabroom.com on Saturday night, but only if Menick gets a decent meal somewhere, otherwise he’ll just grouch and post some stupid joke thing, because let’s face it, everybody already knows how they’re doing so what’s the big mystery?
Sunday, October 20, 2013
8:00 AM — Snooze-off Round (if necessary) Judges who don’t show up will be hanged in effigy. Debaters who don’t show up will be marveled at
9:15 AM — Heterosexual-decimo Round (double-flighted and highly dubious)
11:30 AM — The "This Space Vacant" Round, to be named after the most important debate dignitary to show up for the weekend
1:00 PM — The What Happened to Lunch? Round, AKA, The “Wait a Minute! More Ziti?” Round
2:15 PM — The “Will the Matt Dunay be Struck Again From the Semifinal Debate That Bears His Name” Round, AKA “The Eponymous Matt”
3:30 PM — The “Imperial Starship Championship Debate and Chowder Tasting”
immediately followed by the Presentation of Richard B. Sodikow to the winning debater
(Schedules for Legislative Debate, Public Forum Debate, Policy Debate, Humorous Interpretation Debate, Duo Interpretation Debate, Declamation Debate, and anything else you can put the word Debate after, are somewhere else, but you didn't care anyhow.)
Friday, October 18, 2013
6:00 AM — Wake up to Justin Bieber on clock radio alarm and realize that there’s another &$@*# tournament this weekend. Throw clock radio out the window, but still hear music, then realize that in fact you were sleeping with Justin Bieber, who is now propped up on his pillows strumming a ukulele. Pop out of bed immediately and hate yourself for the rest of your life.
11:30 AM – 1:00 PM — Registration in the Fairly Large Bronx auditorium. As with everything else associated with the tournament, registration has a name: The New York City Invitational "Michael Dukakis Tournament Registration." (Corporations willing to fork over a suitable amount of moolah can purchase this registration, as the Dukakis name is merely a placeholder, unless the Democratic Gubernatorial legend wishes to fork over a suitable amount of moolah himself. Imagine it: The New York City Invitational Preparation H Tournament Registration, or The New York City Invitational Kentucky Fried Chicken Tournament Registration, or The New York City Invitational Kale Growers of America Tournament Registration! We’ll put the posters wherever you want them.)
1:30 PM — Opening Remarks and Ceremony, including the Induction of New Hall of Foam Programs, Presentation of the Goombah of the Year Award, and Announcement of the Bronx Underachievement Awards. As this is just the first of many award ceremonies, moaning loudly throughout is mandatory. Please note that this year there will NOT be an award ceremony after every round. There will, however, be an award ceremony in every room DURING every round, probably around the 1AR in each flight. It’s the Bronx. Deal with it.
3:15 PM — The “Anyone Who Works for the Bronx Now Gets to Pretend They Went There” Round, AKA the “Struve” (double-flighted)
5:15 PM — The “Our Bus is on the Wrong Side of the Hudson But We’ll be There by Round Two” Round AKA The "The Bronx is on the Phone" Round(double-flighted)
6:00 PM — The “Ilene Dunay Foods of the World, Unite! (You have nothing to lose but your lunch)” Dinner Break, AKA the “I Say It’s Debate Ziti and I Say the Hell with It” round
8:00 PM — The “Bronx Benny NSFW Round” (private joke—pun intended—still funny after all these years—double-flighted)
Students being housed by host families on Friday night will be picked up in the East Gym following Round III. Housing families will drive into the gym through the north entrance; we ask that students keep a weather eye pealed so as not to be run down by an SUV in front of the concession stand.
Saturday, October 19, 2013
8:00 AM — The “Things Were a Lot Easier Back Before We Got this Bloody Octas Bid” Round AKA the” Gazzola” (double-flighted)
11:15 — The “Coachean Life Tribute Bathroom Break”. Debaters must wash hands after using. Judges must wash everything else.
11:00 AM — The “Roman Numerals Were on the Real Schedule if You Weren’t Sure of the Level of Pretentiousness” Round AKA the “You Call This Pretentious? Just Wait and See” Round (double-flighted)
2:00 PM — The “What? Another Round? Round” (double-flighted)
5:00 PM — The “Holy Mother of Pearl, Yet Another Round” Round AKA The “Every Year We Tell Him Six is Enough and Every Year He Starts Singing About Tradition” AKA The “Fiddler on the Roof” Round (double-flighted)
7:15 PM — Presentation of Superior Speaker Awards (the phrase Superior Speaker Awards is real and funnier than anything I could come up with) in Lincoln-Douglas Debate and of the Peter Colavito Olive Oil Award
Students who were housed Friday night who actually came back on Saturday morning will no doubt prefer to hide in the basement until the threat of housing again is over. Postings for the elimination rounds will be available online at Tabroom.com on Saturday night, but only if Menick gets a decent meal somewhere, otherwise he’ll just grouch and post some stupid joke thing, because let’s face it, everybody already knows how they’re doing so what’s the big mystery?
Sunday, October 20, 2013
8:00 AM — Snooze-off Round (if necessary) Judges who don’t show up will be hanged in effigy. Debaters who don’t show up will be marveled at
9:15 AM — Heterosexual-decimo Round (double-flighted and highly dubious)
11:30 AM — The "This Space Vacant" Round, to be named after the most important debate dignitary to show up for the weekend
1:00 PM — The What Happened to Lunch? Round, AKA, The “Wait a Minute! More Ziti?” Round
2:15 PM — The “Will the Matt Dunay be Struck Again From the Semifinal Debate That Bears His Name” Round, AKA “The Eponymous Matt”
3:30 PM — The “Imperial Starship Championship Debate and Chowder Tasting”
immediately followed by the Presentation of Richard B. Sodikow to the winning debater
Thursday, October 10, 2013
You can't make this stuff up. (Well, maybe you can.)
We’ve had Barbie on Ice, the Flintstones on Ice, Ewoks, Snorks—whatever the hell they are—and Nintendo on Ice, but by the mid-90s the magic of family entertainment at the rink seemed to vanish from the American scene. Oh, sure, every now and then the odd Disney princess dons some skates and slides out to entertain the four-year-old girl audience (ranked by the Wall Street Journal as the biggest dispensers of discretionary income in the country, and also the nastiest), or some guy in skin-tight Liberace drag escapes from some Soviet compound during the Olympics to perform at Madison Square Garden when the Knicks have the night off, but otherwise, the Ice Capades are a thing of the past.
Or so we thought.
Yesterday, October 9th, a date that will live in Frigid Forensic infamy, the legendary (or perhaps mythical) Jon Cruz has announced that this year’s IE component of the Rather-on-the-Large-Side Bronx Tournament will, for the very first time, be performedat I.C.E. on Ice! Yes, indeed, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girl, for the very first time, O’C and his Bronx Army present: The Speechcapades!!!
I can see it all now.
“The Parade of the Wooden Soldiers” performed entirely by freshman declamation skaters.
“Poetry in Motion” performed by the Binder Ice-Capets, AKA the OIers. (There will be no prose OI component at the tournament, as “Prose in Motion” just doesn’t have the same ring to it.)
“The Old Smoothies” performed by the Duo competitors. You know how hard it is to perform a throw triple axel when you can’t touch your partner?
“Sweethearts of the Silver Blades” featuring the female Original Orators whining about how miserable their privileged little lives really are, accompanied by their male component, “Youth—Life and Dash!” who, no matter how fast they skate, or how dangerous their moves, never allow the you-know-what-eating grins to leave their faces!
“The Royal Canadian Northwest Mounties” featuring Extempers who must skate for ten minutes while carrying a tub to collect their research, followed by ten minutes of getting their speeches on a single index card while skating backwards, followed by ten minutes aimlessly staring at nothing practicing their speeches, leading to their grand finales of seven minutes giving a speech they actually memorized two years ago, having simply changed their opening anecdote from the one about the marigolds to the one about the glass houses.
“Hay, Hay, Pansy, She’s Back Again" Our Dramatic Interpers put on their tutus and tights and hit the ice one at a time, bringing tears to the eyes and a lift to the heart as they perform theatrical classics like, I guess, “Hay, Hay Pansy, She’s Back Again.” (I have no idea what that means and I can’t wait to find out. I think.)
“Johnny Walker ‘Stilted’ ” And then our Humorous Interpers take to the ice, each one performing their nonsense on stilts, which is a reference only the LDers will get, and even they probably won’t get it in this day and age.
“East Indian Idol” is the grand finale, where everyone including O’C hits the ice for the award ceremony, followed by the elephants, the wild horses, the trained seals, Herpes the Wondermutt and, last but not least, the Zamboni.
It all makes me wish I was a Speecho-American.
(All of these names were taken directly from a 1945 Ice Capades program. I never make anything up if there’s better stuff already out there. I mean, seriously: "Hay, Hay, Pansy, She’s Back Again"?)
Or so we thought.
Yesterday, October 9th, a date that will live in Frigid Forensic infamy, the legendary (or perhaps mythical) Jon Cruz has announced that this year’s IE component of the Rather-on-the-Large-Side Bronx Tournament will, for the very first time, be performed
I can see it all now.
“The Parade of the Wooden Soldiers” performed entirely by freshman declamation skaters.
“Poetry in Motion” performed by the Binder Ice-Capets, AKA the OIers. (There will be no prose OI component at the tournament, as “Prose in Motion” just doesn’t have the same ring to it.)
“The Old Smoothies” performed by the Duo competitors. You know how hard it is to perform a throw triple axel when you can’t touch your partner?
“Sweethearts of the Silver Blades” featuring the female Original Orators whining about how miserable their privileged little lives really are, accompanied by their male component, “Youth—Life and Dash!” who, no matter how fast they skate, or how dangerous their moves, never allow the you-know-what-eating grins to leave their faces!
“The Royal Canadian Northwest Mounties” featuring Extempers who must skate for ten minutes while carrying a tub to collect their research, followed by ten minutes of getting their speeches on a single index card while skating backwards, followed by ten minutes aimlessly staring at nothing practicing their speeches, leading to their grand finales of seven minutes giving a speech they actually memorized two years ago, having simply changed their opening anecdote from the one about the marigolds to the one about the glass houses.
“Hay, Hay, Pansy, She’s Back Again" Our Dramatic Interpers put on their tutus and tights and hit the ice one at a time, bringing tears to the eyes and a lift to the heart as they perform theatrical classics like, I guess, “Hay, Hay Pansy, She’s Back Again.” (I have no idea what that means and I can’t wait to find out. I think.)
“Johnny Walker ‘Stilted’ ” And then our Humorous Interpers take to the ice, each one performing their nonsense on stilts, which is a reference only the LDers will get, and even they probably won’t get it in this day and age.
“East Indian Idol” is the grand finale, where everyone including O’C hits the ice for the award ceremony, followed by the elephants, the wild horses, the trained seals, Herpes the Wondermutt and, last but not least, the Zamboni.
It all makes me wish I was a Speecho-American.
(All of these names were taken directly from a 1945 Ice Capades program. I never make anything up if there’s better stuff already out there. I mean, seriously: "Hay, Hay, Pansy, She’s Back Again"?)
Monday, August 19, 2013
Tales of Great Golf/Debate Adventure
Even as the day dawned, most of the northeast was already at a fever pitch. It was the day of the ErsatzDeAd, the epic contest that would mark the one year countdown to DisAd14, while also acting as a sop in lieu of the much missed DisAd13. How could such a day be celebrated? What could conceivably bear the weight of all that history and expectation and the unspoken longings of an entire generation plus a couple of other generations, with people coming from far and wide except for the ones who didn’t come or really only had to roll out of bed to get there?
Miniature golf, of course.
It was beautiful weather Saturday. The golf course is right next to Stuyvesant, and I walked down from GCT, savoring it all. Of course, the next time I walk the High Line I’m bringing a whip: even strolling I can’t move as slowly as some of these people. And as much as I like the idea of the HL, it is becoming such a tourist attraction that it’s almost better to avoid it. After getting off and doing the remaining distance on the walk by the Hudson, I was much happier.
Kaz was already there when I arrived, and JV was there a minute later, as was Kate. The daughter and I were the only ones appropriately attired in Disney regalia. What is wrong with these people? And let’s face it, who doesn’t want to see JV in a Mickey ears hat? Whatever. As time passed, soon a text arrived from O’C saying that he was running a little late. Shockingly enough, when this was announced to the crowd, none of us were surprised. O’C running a little late? And he practically lives on the fourteenth hole? C’est la vie.
He arrived eventually. I must say, he at least got into the spirit of the thing, with his tam o’shanter and plus fours. I think arriving in Liberace’s limousine was a bit much, and no one else needed a caddy, but, well, style is as style does, and one just goes with the flow.
The course was pretty decent. Not a lot of windmills or dancing hippos or other elaborate obstacles, but there were holes you had to get the ball into, and that was good enough. We began with a reorientation session, trying to explain to O’C how to hold the club so that he had at least a marginal chance of looking like he knew what he was doing. This turned out to be a game of diminishing returns. He would do what you told him to do, sort of, and then his concentration would drift off… He doesn’t have the cold, steely determination of a professional golfer, in other words. The fact that he spent the entire game on his iPhone texting, tweeting, snapchatting, vining, instagramming, emailing, checking in and buffing his toenails, I would offer that he is unlikely to evidence any steely determination, period, except where it comes to social networking (and keeping his nails buffed). The fact that while we were playing miniature golf, freebooters might be descending on Japonica to oust him from the mayoralty must have also played heavily on his mind.
The game itself was the paradigm of excitement. I got off to a slow start myself, still in the midst of my golf sabbatical as I am, and after nine holes, JV and Kate were tied for first, with me two strokes back, and Kaz a couple of strokes back from that. O’C’s score by this time was mostly asterisks, and it went down from there. On the back nine, while the two leaders fought it out, I made my move, as the sports journalists like to say, with two holes-in-one, but the water hole stole my thunder, and in the end, I managed only a second place finish. JV was the big winner, by one stroke. At this point he announced that he had done his best not to be too competitive, although his going off and doing a two-hour victory dance sort of undermined his alleged complacency. As for me, I shrugged off my defeat, knowing that I am now 1 and 2 in two outings, and that a rematch in Orlando at the DisAd14 will be my chance to set things aright.
After the excitement died down, we went off into the city to celebrate, or drown our sorrows, depending on who you were and how you did. There were occasional discussions of items forensical, but not so’s you’d notice. In a nutshell, a splendid time was had by all. Things bode well for DisAd14!
Miniature golf, of course.
It was beautiful weather Saturday. The golf course is right next to Stuyvesant, and I walked down from GCT, savoring it all. Of course, the next time I walk the High Line I’m bringing a whip: even strolling I can’t move as slowly as some of these people. And as much as I like the idea of the HL, it is becoming such a tourist attraction that it’s almost better to avoid it. After getting off and doing the remaining distance on the walk by the Hudson, I was much happier.
Kaz was already there when I arrived, and JV was there a minute later, as was Kate. The daughter and I were the only ones appropriately attired in Disney regalia. What is wrong with these people? And let’s face it, who doesn’t want to see JV in a Mickey ears hat? Whatever. As time passed, soon a text arrived from O’C saying that he was running a little late. Shockingly enough, when this was announced to the crowd, none of us were surprised. O’C running a little late? And he practically lives on the fourteenth hole? C’est la vie.
He arrived eventually. I must say, he at least got into the spirit of the thing, with his tam o’shanter and plus fours. I think arriving in Liberace’s limousine was a bit much, and no one else needed a caddy, but, well, style is as style does, and one just goes with the flow.
The course was pretty decent. Not a lot of windmills or dancing hippos or other elaborate obstacles, but there were holes you had to get the ball into, and that was good enough. We began with a reorientation session, trying to explain to O’C how to hold the club so that he had at least a marginal chance of looking like he knew what he was doing. This turned out to be a game of diminishing returns. He would do what you told him to do, sort of, and then his concentration would drift off… He doesn’t have the cold, steely determination of a professional golfer, in other words. The fact that he spent the entire game on his iPhone texting, tweeting, snapchatting, vining, instagramming, emailing, checking in and buffing his toenails, I would offer that he is unlikely to evidence any steely determination, period, except where it comes to social networking (and keeping his nails buffed). The fact that while we were playing miniature golf, freebooters might be descending on Japonica to oust him from the mayoralty must have also played heavily on his mind.
The game itself was the paradigm of excitement. I got off to a slow start myself, still in the midst of my golf sabbatical as I am, and after nine holes, JV and Kate were tied for first, with me two strokes back, and Kaz a couple of strokes back from that. O’C’s score by this time was mostly asterisks, and it went down from there. On the back nine, while the two leaders fought it out, I made my move, as the sports journalists like to say, with two holes-in-one, but the water hole stole my thunder, and in the end, I managed only a second place finish. JV was the big winner, by one stroke. At this point he announced that he had done his best not to be too competitive, although his going off and doing a two-hour victory dance sort of undermined his alleged complacency. As for me, I shrugged off my defeat, knowing that I am now 1 and 2 in two outings, and that a rematch in Orlando at the DisAd14 will be my chance to set things aright.
After the excitement died down, we went off into the city to celebrate, or drown our sorrows, depending on who you were and how you did. There were occasional discussions of items forensical, but not so’s you’d notice. In a nutshell, a splendid time was had by all. Things bode well for DisAd14!
Wednesday, May 08, 2013
Breaking Wind News: Cruz and Bronx Science Do NOT Win Any “X of the Year” awards from CFL
In a shocking development in their otherwise banner year, Jon Cruz and his Bronx Science students will not be winning any particular acknowledgment from the Catholic Forensic League at the upcoming CatNats event. “For one thing,” an unnamed source close to the Vatican revealed, “I don’t think even one of them is a bloody Catholic.”
Earlier this season, the Bronx team won the coveted “Waffle House” trophy from TOC (which comes smothered, covered, battered, doused, soused, chunked, clunked, diced, sliced, peppered, salted, capped, snapped, slapped, divorced, beheaded, and died), and only this week coach Cruz was cited by the National Football League (editor—check?) as the “Coach Most Eager to Enter Points For Things Most Coaches Don’t Know You Get Points For.”
“We would have liked to sweep,” Cruz admitted to CL reporter Herman Melville, “but alas, it was not to be.” The CFL is notoriously parsimonious when it comes to awarding special recognition beyond the 8037 awards it does bestow at their annual event, in an award ceremony that takes longer than the tournament (and, it should be noted, which ends by the sight of white smoke arising from the tab room chimney). Pope emeritus Benny the Semifallible is expected to attend the awards this year, an extra disappointment for Cruz and his team. “I like to think of Benedict XVI as the Walter Mondale of the papacy,” Cruz said, “although I’m not quite sure why. His retirement came as a real blow to the team and to me personally.” Cruz was pensive for a moment. “But I’m not quite sure why,” he added.
Rumors that the Malcolm A. Bump tournament’s "Annual Jon Cruz Award, Given Annually to Jon Cruz for No Particular Reason" award may not be awarded this year are unsubstantiated. (Are there too many appearances of the word award in that sentence?) However, the board of bumpian governors is at this very moment meeting in camera to talk about something, and maybe it’s that. Then again, maybe not.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Debate: Thank you. And you. And you too. And even you, you spalpeen.
Please disregard any previous version of this blog post. Because we have a personal animosity toward bloody Congress Legislative Hoo-Ha, we decided to stiff it yet again.
Greetings,
You are hereby ordered for induction into the Armed Forces of the United States, and to report to—
Oops. Wrong “Greetings” letter.
Let’s try again.
Greetings,
I want to thank you all for making it through the New York City Invitational [note to self: fill in correct roman numeral here; double-check with Brother Kevin]. We were so pleased to host you this past weekend that our buttons burst, which is better than the year the urinals burst in second floor boys' room.
Ballots from the Individual Events and Legislative Hoo-Ha were available at the conclusion of competition in those events. Ballots from Lincoln-Douglas Debate, Public Forum Debate, andPolicy Team Debate will be available online later this week, even though 60% of them merely say “oral,” and 30% of them don’t even say that. The remaining 10% are elaborate commentaries from adjudicators in direct contradiction of their paradigms, but you knew that already. Results from all events are either presently online or will be online by whenever the tab staff gets out of rehab. Thank you for your patience!
I would like to again thank those poor suckers who hosted the Saturday preliminary rounds in the Individual Events. Little did they know what they were getting into. And I would like to again thank the incredible students and parents of our Speech & Debate Team for their hard work this weekend, except for that one kid, he knows who he is, but we’ll take that out of this message and deal with him directly.
Congratulations to James Tiberius Kirk High School of California, the winners of the Andrew Lipton Chicken & Vegetable Cup-a-Soup. They were the overall champions of the tournament and thus won this delicious and highly nutritious traveling sweepstakes award.
Congratulations to this year's Underachievement Award winners, who have asked to remain anonymous so that they won’t have to wear that damned pin everywhere they go from now on.
Congratulations to Matt Dunay '09, the Alumnus of the Year, who unlike many other alums, actually went to the school.
Congratulations to the champion of Lincoln-Douglas Debate and the winner of Richard B. Sodikow, who will be shipped directly to her home in a plain brown wrapper. Congratulations as well to the reserve champion, who will step in if for any reason the champion is unable to complete her reign this year, and to the top speaker and winner of the Rocky Colavito AL Outfielder Award, which just goes to prove that this couldn’t have been typed up without ready access to Google.
Congratulations to the champions of Public Forum Debate and the winners of the After You No After You Trophy. One of them was also the top speaker—big surprise there, eh?—winning the Heisman Trophy and putting the noses of a lot of college football players out of joint. Congratulations as well to the reserve champions, who will be stored in a closet next to the debate room until their sell-by dates expire.
Congratulations to the finalists inPolicy Team Debate, who will tussle over the The Rosie Ruiz Subway Series (yeah, you’re going to have to look that one up, probably) Championship Debate to be held this coming weekend. The winning team will receive whatever is left of Richard B. Sodikow after the LD champion is finished with him.
Congratulations to the champion of Legislative Hoo-Ha and the winner of the Indiana Jones Golden Gavel. Congratulations as well to yet another reserve champion; we’re still trying to find a place to store this one, but given the confusion at the awards assembly, I wouldn’t be expecting the Ritz, if you know what I mean.
Congratulations to the champion of Dramatic Interpretation Debate and the winner of the Justin Beiber Award. (At this point we’re going to stop congratulating reserve winners because we’ve run out of funny things to say about them.)
Congratulations to the champions ofDuo Team Interpretation Debate and the winners of the Stuck With a Damned Partner Even Though I’m A Speecho-American Award.
Congratulations to the champion of Extemporaneous Speaking Debate and the winner of the I’ll Be Glad When This Election is Over Award.
Congratulations to the champion of Humorous Interpretation Debate and the winner of the Bronx Kneeslapper Award.
Congratulations to the champion of Original Oratory Debate and the winner of the It’s Tough to be aBug Teenager Trophy.
Finally, congratulations the champion of Prose & Poetry and the winner of the Oh My God, Another One Is Doing “The Raven” Award.
The XLIIIrd (that just doesn’t look right—Kevin?) annual New York City Invitational will take place on October 18, 19, and 20 next year, or not, as the case may be. We hope to see all of you back again, which means a lot of you will have to forego college and do a fifth year of high school, but hey, nobody ever learns anything in college anyhow, so you won’t be missing anything, and thirty years from now you’ll look back at this experience and say to yourself, “Was that the weekend we went to the Bronx? Or was it Brooklyn? Whatever.”
O’C
Greetings,
You are hereby ordered for induction into the Armed Forces of the United States, and to report to—
Oops. Wrong “Greetings” letter.
Let’s try again.
Greetings,
I want to thank you all for making it through the New York City Invitational [note to self: fill in correct roman numeral here; double-check with Brother Kevin]. We were so pleased to host you this past weekend that our buttons burst, which is better than the year the urinals burst in second floor boys' room.
Ballots from the Individual Events and Legislative Hoo-Ha were available at the conclusion of competition in those events. Ballots from Lincoln-Douglas Debate, Public Forum Debate, and
I would like to again thank those poor suckers who hosted the Saturday preliminary rounds in the Individual Events. Little did they know what they were getting into. And I would like to again thank the incredible students and parents of our Speech & Debate Team for their hard work this weekend, except for that one kid, he knows who he is, but we’ll take that out of this message and deal with him directly.
Congratulations to James Tiberius Kirk High School of California, the winners of the Andrew Lipton Chicken & Vegetable Cup-a-Soup. They were the overall champions of the tournament and thus won this delicious and highly nutritious traveling sweepstakes award.
Congratulations to this year's Underachievement Award winners, who have asked to remain anonymous so that they won’t have to wear that damned pin everywhere they go from now on.
Congratulations to Matt Dunay '09, the Alumnus of the Year, who unlike many other alums, actually went to the school.
Congratulations to the champion of Lincoln-Douglas Debate and the winner of Richard B. Sodikow, who will be shipped directly to her home in a plain brown wrapper. Congratulations as well to the reserve champion, who will step in if for any reason the champion is unable to complete her reign this year, and to the top speaker and winner of the Rocky Colavito AL Outfielder Award, which just goes to prove that this couldn’t have been typed up without ready access to Google.
Congratulations to the champions of Public Forum Debate and the winners of the After You No After You Trophy. One of them was also the top speaker—big surprise there, eh?—winning the Heisman Trophy and putting the noses of a lot of college football players out of joint. Congratulations as well to the reserve champions, who will be stored in a closet next to the debate room until their sell-by dates expire.
Congratulations to the finalists in
Congratulations to the champion of Legislative Hoo-Ha and the winner of the Indiana Jones Golden Gavel. Congratulations as well to yet another reserve champion; we’re still trying to find a place to store this one, but given the confusion at the awards assembly, I wouldn’t be expecting the Ritz, if you know what I mean.
Congratulations to the champion of Dramatic Interpretation Debate and the winner of the Justin Beiber Award. (At this point we’re going to stop congratulating reserve winners because we’ve run out of funny things to say about them.)
Congratulations to the champions of
Congratulations to the champion of Extemporaneous Speaking Debate and the winner of the I’ll Be Glad When This Election is Over Award.
Congratulations to the champion of Humorous Interpretation Debate and the winner of the Bronx Kneeslapper Award.
Congratulations to the champion of Original Oratory Debate and the winner of the It’s Tough to be a
Finally, congratulations the champion of Prose & Poetry and the winner of the Oh My God, Another One Is Doing “The Raven” Award.
The XLIIIrd (that just doesn’t look right—Kevin?) annual New York City Invitational will take place on October 18, 19, and 20 next year, or not, as the case may be. We hope to see all of you back again, which means a lot of you will have to forego college and do a fifth year of high school, but hey, nobody ever learns anything in college anyhow, so you won’t be missing anything, and thirty years from now you’ll look back at this experience and say to yourself, “Was that the weekend we went to the Bronx? Or was it Brooklyn? Whatever.”
O’C
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Debate: Updated Schedule for Fairly Large Bronx So-Called-Invitational Tournament, LD Division
Schedule for Lincoln-Douglas Debate
(Schedules for Legislative Debate, Public Forum Debate, Policy Debate, Humorous Interpretation Debate, Duo Interpretation Debate, and anything else you can put the word Debate after, are somewhere else, but you didn't care anyhow.)
Friday, October 19, 2012
6:00 AM — Wake up to Justin Bieber on clock radio alarm and realize that there’s another &$@*# tournament this weekend. Throw clock radio out the window, but still hear music, then realize that in fact you were sleeping with Justin Bieber, who is now propped up on his pillows strumming a ukulele. Pop out of bed immediately and hate yourself for the rest of your life.
11:30 AM – 1:00 PM — Registration (in-person registration is required; no masks, please, and leave the Beeb at home)
1:30 PM — Opening Remarks and Ceremony, including the Induction of New Hall of Foam Programs, Presentation of the Goombah of the Year Award, and Presentation of the Bronx Underachievement Awards. As this is just the first of many award ceremonies, moaning loudly throughout is mandatory. Please note that this year there will NOT be an award ceremony after every round. There will, however, be an award ceremony in every room DURING every round, probably around the 1AR in each flight. Extra time will be added to this speech to account for the interruption.
3:15 PM — The Anyone Who Works for the Bronx Now Gets to Pretend They Went There Round (double-flighted)
5:15 PM — The Our Bus is on the Wrong Side of the Hudson But We’ll be There by the Second Round (double-flighted)
6:00 PM — The Ilene Dunay Foods of the World, Unite! (You have nothing to lose but your lunch) Dinner Break
8:00 PM — The Bronx Benny NSFW Round (private joke—pun intended—double-flighted)
Students being housed by host families on Friday night will be picked up in the East Gym following Round III. Housing families will drive into the gym through the north entrance; we ask that students keep a weather eye pealed so as not to be run down by an SUV in front of the concession stand.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
8:00 AM — The Things Were a Lot Easier Back Before We Got this Bloody Octas Bid Round (double-flighted)
11:15 — The Coachean Life Tribute Bathroom Break. Debaters must wash hands after using. Judges must wash everything else.
11:00 AM — The Roman Numerals Were on the Real Schedule if You Weren’t Sure of the Level of Pretentiousness Round (double-flighted)
2:00 PM — The What? Another Round? Round (double-flighted)
5:00 PM — The Holy Mother of Pearl, Yet Another Round Round (double-flighted)
7:15 PM — Presentation of Superior Speaker Awards (the phrase Superior Speaker Awards is funnier than anything I could come up with) in Lincoln-Douglas Debate and of the Peter Colavito Award
Students who were housed Friday night who actually came back on Saturday morning will no doubt prefer to hide in the basement until the threat of housing again is over. Postings for the elimination rounds will be available online at Tabroom.com on Saturday night, but only if Menick gets a decent meal somewhere, otherwise he’ll just grouch and post some stupid joke thing, because let’s face it, everybody already knows how they’re doing so what’s the big mystery?
Sunday, October 21, 2012
8:00 AM — Snooze-off Round (if necessary)
9:15 AM — Sext Your Decimo Round (double-flighted and highly illegal)
11:30 AM — The "This Space Vacant" Round, to be named after the most important debate dignitary to show up for the weekend
1:00 PM — The What Happened to Lunch? Round
2:15 PM — The Will the Eponymous Matt Dunay be Struck Again From the Semifinal Debates
3:30 PM — The Hee-Sun Hong Championship Debate and Chowder Tasting
immediately followed by the Presentation of Richard B. Sodikow to the winning debater
(Schedules for Legislative Debate, Public Forum Debate, Policy Debate, Humorous Interpretation Debate, Duo Interpretation Debate, and anything else you can put the word Debate after, are somewhere else, but you didn't care anyhow.)
Friday, October 19, 2012
6:00 AM — Wake up to Justin Bieber on clock radio alarm and realize that there’s another &$@*# tournament this weekend. Throw clock radio out the window, but still hear music, then realize that in fact you were sleeping with Justin Bieber, who is now propped up on his pillows strumming a ukulele. Pop out of bed immediately and hate yourself for the rest of your life.
11:30 AM – 1:00 PM — Registration (in-person registration is required; no masks, please, and leave the Beeb at home)
1:30 PM — Opening Remarks and Ceremony, including the Induction of New Hall of Foam Programs, Presentation of the Goombah of the Year Award, and Presentation of the Bronx Underachievement Awards. As this is just the first of many award ceremonies, moaning loudly throughout is mandatory. Please note that this year there will NOT be an award ceremony after every round. There will, however, be an award ceremony in every room DURING every round, probably around the 1AR in each flight. Extra time will be added to this speech to account for the interruption.
3:15 PM — The Anyone Who Works for the Bronx Now Gets to Pretend They Went There Round (double-flighted)
5:15 PM — The Our Bus is on the Wrong Side of the Hudson But We’ll be There by the Second Round (double-flighted)
6:00 PM — The Ilene Dunay Foods of the World, Unite! (You have nothing to lose but your lunch) Dinner Break
8:00 PM — The Bronx Benny NSFW Round (private joke—pun intended—double-flighted)
Students being housed by host families on Friday night will be picked up in the East Gym following Round III. Housing families will drive into the gym through the north entrance; we ask that students keep a weather eye pealed so as not to be run down by an SUV in front of the concession stand.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
8:00 AM — The Things Were a Lot Easier Back Before We Got this Bloody Octas Bid Round (double-flighted)
11:15 — The Coachean Life Tribute Bathroom Break. Debaters must wash hands after using. Judges must wash everything else.
11:00 AM — The Roman Numerals Were on the Real Schedule if You Weren’t Sure of the Level of Pretentiousness Round (double-flighted)
2:00 PM — The What? Another Round? Round (double-flighted)
5:00 PM — The Holy Mother of Pearl, Yet Another Round Round (double-flighted)
7:15 PM — Presentation of Superior Speaker Awards (the phrase Superior Speaker Awards is funnier than anything I could come up with) in Lincoln-Douglas Debate and of the Peter Colavito Award
Students who were housed Friday night who actually came back on Saturday morning will no doubt prefer to hide in the basement until the threat of housing again is over. Postings for the elimination rounds will be available online at Tabroom.com on Saturday night, but only if Menick gets a decent meal somewhere, otherwise he’ll just grouch and post some stupid joke thing, because let’s face it, everybody already knows how they’re doing so what’s the big mystery?
Sunday, October 21, 2012
8:00 AM — Snooze-off Round (if necessary)
9:15 AM — Sext Your Decimo Round (double-flighted and highly illegal)
11:30 AM — The "This Space Vacant" Round, to be named after the most important debate dignitary to show up for the weekend
1:00 PM — The What Happened to Lunch? Round
2:15 PM — The Will the Eponymous Matt Dunay be Struck Again From the Semifinal Debates
3:30 PM — The Hee-Sun Hong Championship Debate and Chowder Tasting
immediately followed by the Presentation of Richard B. Sodikow to the winning debater
Monday, July 30, 2012
Debate: Country mouse in the big city
I guess I’m sort of obliged to report on the activities of the previous weekend, seeing how it was the greatest collection of debate coaches in one place since the construction of the pyramids. Or since O'C ate dinner alone at Japonica...
I collected CP from his train on Friday. Amtrak was running roughly five levels of Word Welder late, because they lost an engine, but as we agreed, better to lose an engine on a train than on a flight in from Logan. CP put the time to good use, propping up tabroom.com with string and Dixie Cup tops in preparation for having it look like it’s running on August 1, when the first registrations open. As he reported on Facebook, by the way, what I was seeing before, which was bizarrely disturbing, was not what he was working on. I must have gotten cached into No Man’s Land somehow. When he was sitting on the chair next to me in the living room, I got what looked liked the comfortingly disturbing screens of old; actually, they looked a little nicer, although I hate to admit it. I’m trusting that CP will be too busy these next few days to be reading any blogs, so I should be safe.
We popped down to Manhattan on Saturday, and JV arrived when we did to meet up with us. The goal was to give our poor unfortunate Bostoner a taste of a real city. We poked around GCT a bit, then headed up to St. Pat’s, and then MOMA, where we ate lunch. I’ll write about the museum separately, but suffice it to say that we had a lot of fun pointing out our various favorites. We also ate lunch there, consisting primarily of a watermelon gazpacho with pansies floating on the top. There’s a picture on my iPhone, if you happen to steal it at the next tournament and want to see what lunch looked like.
O’C promised to me us at 3ish at the museum, and we were forced to take both JV and CP to the emergency room to revive them from the brain hemorrhages they suffered when O’C actually met us at 3ish at the museum. He’s got the Foursquare check-ins to prove it (but then again, he checked in at 27 other places that day, including the men’s room at the Hilton, and you may not want to sort through them all). With our group now complete, we moseyed, specifically up to see the patented stairs at the Apple Store (beats me why they’re patented: they just look like stairs), the St. Gaudens Sherman statue, Rizzoli’s bookstore (where O’C discovered a book of Star Wars blueprints that was selling for a mere $500 which he just has to have, despite the fact that nothing in Star Wars was real, meaning that the blueprints are also not real, but then again, he’s the guy who gets in line for Cinderella’s autograph at WDW, and as I’ve pointed out repeatedly, not only is Cinderella not real, but the person whose autograph he’s getting isn’t her), and then, after fighting the crowds at Times Square and waiting out a short shower, we walked down the High Line to the Village, and ultimately to our dinner destination. CP, who started the day at about six foot four, was now about five foot ten, having worn his feet out to the ankles. But this is the loveliest part of G Village, all the old winding streets and little houses, and even he was impressed. Dinner, at a Brazilian restaurant, was good, but way too loud. The conversation, almost entirely debate-oriented (and, yes, a lot of it was about you, and none of it was complimentary, as you would expect), was rather hard to follow, unfortunately. I would say that when you get a couple or four debate people together, talk is ripe. I hated to miss a word, but there were a couple of times when they were reaming someone out at the other end of the table and I had to interrupt and get the name, just so I could file it away for future reference. After that, we moseyed some more for gelato, and then headed back home. A splendid time was had by all.
And then Sunday we poured CP back on the train for the hinterlands. Somehow through the weekend I got him signed up to work with me on LD at the Pups, and tentatively to help us with the MHL workshop. Plus he introduced us to aged gouda. What more could you ask?
I collected CP from his train on Friday. Amtrak was running roughly five levels of Word Welder late, because they lost an engine, but as we agreed, better to lose an engine on a train than on a flight in from Logan. CP put the time to good use, propping up tabroom.com with string and Dixie Cup tops in preparation for having it look like it’s running on August 1, when the first registrations open. As he reported on Facebook, by the way, what I was seeing before, which was bizarrely disturbing, was not what he was working on. I must have gotten cached into No Man’s Land somehow. When he was sitting on the chair next to me in the living room, I got what looked liked the comfortingly disturbing screens of old; actually, they looked a little nicer, although I hate to admit it. I’m trusting that CP will be too busy these next few days to be reading any blogs, so I should be safe.
We popped down to Manhattan on Saturday, and JV arrived when we did to meet up with us. The goal was to give our poor unfortunate Bostoner a taste of a real city. We poked around GCT a bit, then headed up to St. Pat’s, and then MOMA, where we ate lunch. I’ll write about the museum separately, but suffice it to say that we had a lot of fun pointing out our various favorites. We also ate lunch there, consisting primarily of a watermelon gazpacho with pansies floating on the top. There’s a picture on my iPhone, if you happen to steal it at the next tournament and want to see what lunch looked like.
O’C promised to me us at 3ish at the museum, and we were forced to take both JV and CP to the emergency room to revive them from the brain hemorrhages they suffered when O’C actually met us at 3ish at the museum. He’s got the Foursquare check-ins to prove it (but then again, he checked in at 27 other places that day, including the men’s room at the Hilton, and you may not want to sort through them all). With our group now complete, we moseyed, specifically up to see the patented stairs at the Apple Store (beats me why they’re patented: they just look like stairs), the St. Gaudens Sherman statue, Rizzoli’s bookstore (where O’C discovered a book of Star Wars blueprints that was selling for a mere $500 which he just has to have, despite the fact that nothing in Star Wars was real, meaning that the blueprints are also not real, but then again, he’s the guy who gets in line for Cinderella’s autograph at WDW, and as I’ve pointed out repeatedly, not only is Cinderella not real, but the person whose autograph he’s getting isn’t her), and then, after fighting the crowds at Times Square and waiting out a short shower, we walked down the High Line to the Village, and ultimately to our dinner destination. CP, who started the day at about six foot four, was now about five foot ten, having worn his feet out to the ankles. But this is the loveliest part of G Village, all the old winding streets and little houses, and even he was impressed. Dinner, at a Brazilian restaurant, was good, but way too loud. The conversation, almost entirely debate-oriented (and, yes, a lot of it was about you, and none of it was complimentary, as you would expect), was rather hard to follow, unfortunately. I would say that when you get a couple or four debate people together, talk is ripe. I hated to miss a word, but there were a couple of times when they were reaming someone out at the other end of the table and I had to interrupt and get the name, just so I could file it away for future reference. After that, we moseyed some more for gelato, and then headed back home. A splendid time was had by all.
And then Sunday we poured CP back on the train for the hinterlands. Somehow through the weekend I got him signed up to work with me on LD at the Pups, and tentatively to help us with the MHL workshop. Plus he introduced us to aged gouda. What more could you ask?
Monday, June 18, 2012
Now what?
The attentive member of the VCA will have noticed the melding in of the Grinwout’s posts, which I think I threatened to do, or at least mentioned I was contemplating. Here’s the story.
I like doing CL, obviously, and have little problem filling it up with stuff during the season. The stuff that I fill it up with is, obviously, debate-oriented, although I have been known to go off on tangents, some more tangential than others. It’s one thing to write up a history of art as narrative (“Caveman,” of course, which I still love) and another thing to write up my personal experiences going to Disneyland. Still, it’s all of a piece, and once you start down the road of regular blogging, you write whatever is foremost in your mind at the time. During the summer, I wish I was at a Disney park, and there’s no debate going on, so there you are. No one ever complained, so I kept at it.
I’m quite satisfied with the readership numbers for CL, which are tracked for me by Google. Plus I know there’s untrackable subsidiary readership in RSS feeds and the like, so as far as I’m concerned, I’m reaching a number of people that makes it worth bothering in the first place. While I do write this because I like to write, I wouldn’t do it if there weren’t people who wanted to read it. Instead, I would do something useful like buy a high-end PC and play online games in my spare time. Or watch more TV. Or raise chickens.
I did at one point develop the habit of RSS reading, concentrating on debate-related materials, which I then, via automation inherent in Google’s Reader, posted over to what I called the Coachean Feed. I did this for a while, getting myself into the habit of following and organizing feeds, but without a lot of traction as far as readership. For a while I merged the Feed into the CL blog, and got a couple of complaints, and stopped.
Meanwhile, for the DJ, I wanted to create content to support the series I publish, and began blogging there, eventually evolving into an annotated link blog. I did this independently for months to prove that it could be done, then for a while did it on the DJ website. Unfortunately, the supporting materials on the website (marketing stuff) never materialized, and the DJ website people wanted something different, and there you are. (Actually, the DJ is getting its act together, and doing what I wanted them to do in the first place, so it may be panning out in the long run).
Because I was doing so much Feed/Blogging on entertainment subjects, I lost the time to do the Coachean Feed, plus Google’s Reader was modified so that the automatic part wasn’t working the same, so that fell by the wayside. Meanwhile, I so got into the habit of the entertainment feed/blog, that when the DJ cancelled it, a few weeks later I started it on my own. I figured I’d keep it separate from CL, and therefore baptized it Grinwout’s. I created a Twitter account which got direct feeds from the blog as they were written, and kept it as a separate entity. Eventually I created a Facebook page for it as well. The thing is, the Grinwout’s type of content has sort of become something I do, for whatever reason, but mostly because I like doing it. It gives me a chance to write about other things, and to explore videos and music and stuff that I like doing. It has become part of the Menickean mental makeup slash output.
The problem was that having it separate from my main line, which is CL, seemed to be more trouble than it was worth. It’s a secondary brand, so to speak, and doesn’t have the oomph to allow it to stand on its own. And why should it stand on its own? After all, it’s still all Menickean crap. And CL, for better or worse, is Menickean crap from top to bottom. More Menickean crap would seem to fit right in.
So, the plan is to merge Grinwout’s and CL. For the time being, G posts will be written by Grinwout’s, and CL posts will be written by me. I’m stopping the @Grinwouts and eliminating automatic posting to Twitter, but I will kick myself in the pants and use @jimmenick to support Grinwout’s publishing. And I’ll let the Facebook page I created for Grinwout’s languish; it’s not hurting anyone, after all. I realize that if you really want to get stuff out there, you need to connect every which way, but I’d rather use FB for my own personal stuff, at least for now. We’ll see.
If all of this annoys you no end, keep it to yourself, you spalpeen! Who needs you and your negative worldview? Otherwise, let’s see what happens. It’s the beginning of a great adventure, as Lou Reed would put it.
I like doing CL, obviously, and have little problem filling it up with stuff during the season. The stuff that I fill it up with is, obviously, debate-oriented, although I have been known to go off on tangents, some more tangential than others. It’s one thing to write up a history of art as narrative (“Caveman,” of course, which I still love) and another thing to write up my personal experiences going to Disneyland. Still, it’s all of a piece, and once you start down the road of regular blogging, you write whatever is foremost in your mind at the time. During the summer, I wish I was at a Disney park, and there’s no debate going on, so there you are. No one ever complained, so I kept at it.
I’m quite satisfied with the readership numbers for CL, which are tracked for me by Google. Plus I know there’s untrackable subsidiary readership in RSS feeds and the like, so as far as I’m concerned, I’m reaching a number of people that makes it worth bothering in the first place. While I do write this because I like to write, I wouldn’t do it if there weren’t people who wanted to read it. Instead, I would do something useful like buy a high-end PC and play online games in my spare time. Or watch more TV. Or raise chickens.
I did at one point develop the habit of RSS reading, concentrating on debate-related materials, which I then, via automation inherent in Google’s Reader, posted over to what I called the Coachean Feed. I did this for a while, getting myself into the habit of following and organizing feeds, but without a lot of traction as far as readership. For a while I merged the Feed into the CL blog, and got a couple of complaints, and stopped.
Meanwhile, for the DJ, I wanted to create content to support the series I publish, and began blogging there, eventually evolving into an annotated link blog. I did this independently for months to prove that it could be done, then for a while did it on the DJ website. Unfortunately, the supporting materials on the website (marketing stuff) never materialized, and the DJ website people wanted something different, and there you are. (Actually, the DJ is getting its act together, and doing what I wanted them to do in the first place, so it may be panning out in the long run).
Because I was doing so much Feed/Blogging on entertainment subjects, I lost the time to do the Coachean Feed, plus Google’s Reader was modified so that the automatic part wasn’t working the same, so that fell by the wayside. Meanwhile, I so got into the habit of the entertainment feed/blog, that when the DJ cancelled it, a few weeks later I started it on my own. I figured I’d keep it separate from CL, and therefore baptized it Grinwout’s. I created a Twitter account which got direct feeds from the blog as they were written, and kept it as a separate entity. Eventually I created a Facebook page for it as well. The thing is, the Grinwout’s type of content has sort of become something I do, for whatever reason, but mostly because I like doing it. It gives me a chance to write about other things, and to explore videos and music and stuff that I like doing. It has become part of the Menickean mental makeup slash output.
The problem was that having it separate from my main line, which is CL, seemed to be more trouble than it was worth. It’s a secondary brand, so to speak, and doesn’t have the oomph to allow it to stand on its own. And why should it stand on its own? After all, it’s still all Menickean crap. And CL, for better or worse, is Menickean crap from top to bottom. More Menickean crap would seem to fit right in.
So, the plan is to merge Grinwout’s and CL. For the time being, G posts will be written by Grinwout’s, and CL posts will be written by me. I’m stopping the @Grinwouts and eliminating automatic posting to Twitter, but I will kick myself in the pants and use @jimmenick to support Grinwout’s publishing. And I’ll let the Facebook page I created for Grinwout’s languish; it’s not hurting anyone, after all. I realize that if you really want to get stuff out there, you need to connect every which way, but I’d rather use FB for my own personal stuff, at least for now. We’ll see.
If all of this annoys you no end, keep it to yourself, you spalpeen! Who needs you and your negative worldview? Otherwise, let’s see what happens. It’s the beginning of a great adventure, as Lou Reed would put it.
Wednesday, June 06, 2012
In which logic is touched upon, along with yellow rice and old rope
Sometimes I think I’m operating in a different dimension than everyone else at the DJ. Don’t ask.
Meanwhile, I’ll be taking a blogging break for a week, both here and at Grinwout’s, and will probably return with yet a new way of doing things after I meditate a bit on life, the universe and everything. Speaking of which, Martin Freeman narrates the audiobook of The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, and I really like Martin Freeman, and he was perfectly cast as Arthur Dent in the movie, but he’s no Stephen Fry. [Sigh!]
Much TVFTing occurred last night, although with a bunch of cyloning or whatever they call it when Skype eats what people are saying. We talked about CatNats and some other stuff, if you’re interested, clearing up the thing about people needing an Amex card to get into the judges’ lounge. It’s interesting how almost every tournament has a sticking point or two, and some people just hate the X tournament and refuse to go, for whatever reason. If I’m not mistaken, I don’t have any tournaments at the moment that I personally refuse to go to, not counting NatNats, which I can’t go to, so I never get so far as refusing to go to it. That is, I couldn’t go if I wanted to, the inverse of which is I could go if I didn’t want to, which isn’t true. The contrapositive—If I didn’t want to go, then I could go—is untestable, because I don’t know if I want to go or not, because since I couldn’t go if I wanted to, I don’t bother wanting to. If you get my drift.
We also talked (offline) about getting CP into the neighborhood for socializing. Last weekend a bunch of us suited up and chowed down at a Cuban restaurant, and a swell time was had by all. It’s nice to get together and not have to get back in time to put out round 6 or whatever. It was a nice day in Manhattan, and we strolled Soho and met up with O’C in WaSqPa where we were set on by one of the famous falcons, which pretty much stopped park traffic in its boots. Weird people strolling the park are a dime a dozen, but falcons? Then Kate joined us with very light-colored hair, and we sauntered over to the restaurant, where Kaz and Peter were already in progress, with JV close behind. We celebrated PC’s recent graduation (Yay!), we kept increasing the number of appetizers we were ordering, and at one point O’C consulted the council (?) about a potential solo trip to WDW (acceptable, provided there was no Foursquaring—who needs to know that he just had another Dole Whip?). After which, gelato. Ahhhhhh.
At which point, I feel that I should type YOLO, but having sworn an oath to kill the next person that types YOLO, I probably shouldn't.
Meanwhile, I’ll be taking a blogging break for a week, both here and at Grinwout’s, and will probably return with yet a new way of doing things after I meditate a bit on life, the universe and everything. Speaking of which, Martin Freeman narrates the audiobook of The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, and I really like Martin Freeman, and he was perfectly cast as Arthur Dent in the movie, but he’s no Stephen Fry. [Sigh!]
Much TVFTing occurred last night, although with a bunch of cyloning or whatever they call it when Skype eats what people are saying. We talked about CatNats and some other stuff, if you’re interested, clearing up the thing about people needing an Amex card to get into the judges’ lounge. It’s interesting how almost every tournament has a sticking point or two, and some people just hate the X tournament and refuse to go, for whatever reason. If I’m not mistaken, I don’t have any tournaments at the moment that I personally refuse to go to, not counting NatNats, which I can’t go to, so I never get so far as refusing to go to it. That is, I couldn’t go if I wanted to, the inverse of which is I could go if I didn’t want to, which isn’t true. The contrapositive—If I didn’t want to go, then I could go—is untestable, because I don’t know if I want to go or not, because since I couldn’t go if I wanted to, I don’t bother wanting to. If you get my drift.
We also talked (offline) about getting CP into the neighborhood for socializing. Last weekend a bunch of us suited up and chowed down at a Cuban restaurant, and a swell time was had by all. It’s nice to get together and not have to get back in time to put out round 6 or whatever. It was a nice day in Manhattan, and we strolled Soho and met up with O’C in WaSqPa where we were set on by one of the famous falcons, which pretty much stopped park traffic in its boots. Weird people strolling the park are a dime a dozen, but falcons? Then Kate joined us with very light-colored hair, and we sauntered over to the restaurant, where Kaz and Peter were already in progress, with JV close behind. We celebrated PC’s recent graduation (Yay!), we kept increasing the number of appetizers we were ordering, and at one point O’C consulted the council (?) about a potential solo trip to WDW (acceptable, provided there was no Foursquaring—who needs to know that he just had another Dole Whip?). After which, gelato. Ahhhhhh.
At which point, I feel that I should type YOLO, but having sworn an oath to kill the next person that types YOLO, I probably shouldn't.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Is there anyone who didn't see this coming?
Jon Cruz, although not a millionaire, manages to live like one: Just look at his Foursquare check-ins. He is also not a politician, although he has supported many people who are politicians who would be better off working at Walmarts, and outside the little niche he has carved for himself and filled with many others, much in the same way he has filled his apartment with George Lucas memorabilia that even George Lucas cringes over, he is not famous at all; yet, he is one of the one of the most important men in New York City. Okay, maybe not New York City exactly. He is one of the one of the most important men in the Bronx, which is part of New York City, much in the same way that the Black Hole is part of Calcutta. He is the coach of
Every day he gives up whatever time he isn’t lounging around at Japonica to help his students form their own opinions (or other people’s opinions, if they occur to him first), grow as citizens (except for the ones who are foreigners) and as people (except for the ones who aren’t people). He runs the largest debate team in the country, spending countless hours entering NFL points and explaining to bus drivers that Boston is west of the Hudson River, raising funds for it so that everybody at our diverse public school is able to compete across the nation so that he can spend even more hours entering NFL points. He memorizes everybody’s first name after he meets them and sometimes even before he meets them or, if possible, instead of meeting them, and will remember them for the rest of his life or at least until he has to register them for a local tournament, in which case he calls them Unnamed Novice Ninety-Two or whatever. Come to think of it, what he calls them is The Bronx High School of Science Unnamed Novice Ninety-Two or whatever. Perish the thought that you just call the place Bronx Science.
What makes him so memorable? I can’t remember.
Oh, yeah. Right. He is a fabulous, unapologetic, Jewish gay man—What??? Wait a minute!!! O'C is gay??? You learn something new every day. He a model for so many students who came out to him first for help. The staff of Japonica, the conductors of the D train both a.m. and p.m., the flight crew on his last flight on JetBlue and the entire Slovenian National Marching Polka Band have also come out to him. His style is inspired with equal parts of George Takei…and…uh…
Sincerely,
Thursday, May 17, 2012
In which questions are asked and remain unanswered
Wuz happ’nin’, sez you. Nuttin’, sez me.
I’m going to take a couple of days off from writing and blogging and whatnot, which is a literal translation of nothing happening, I guess. I don’t see much news on the debate front, needless to say. Some people will go to the various Nats in the next few weeks, but if you’re not among them, well, there you are. Sailorville officially asked me if I was returning next year, and once again I was forced to disappoint the debate community at large by answering yes. I will go away some day. I promise. But not just yet.
If you’re wondering, the DJ is getting downright weird, in ways I can’t pinpoint. I’d explain if I could, but, well, I can’t.
Those folks who have claimed to be my friends and therefore connected with me on Facebook (many of whom I sort of recognize) know that I’ve started hawking Grinwout’s on my fb page. Anyone who followed the Grinwout’s page knows that I’ve stopped hawking it there. The thing is, I’ve gotten a lot more views, and since I’m not doing it for my health (sort of ), it makes sense to go where the action is. Of course, this means that I won’t be posting much else on fb, but I never really have anyhow, so it won’t matter much. I’ve considered emulating O’C and hooking up to Foursquare and posting every time I pass gas, but decided against it. I don’t do anything all that interesting, and when I do, I’ll pass it along in detail here. Excruciatingly painful detail, as the VCA well knows.
Speaking of which, I was talking with someone yesterday about young and old editors (again a propos of the DJ), and one of the things I realized was that the one big difference is not that the younger ones can articulate an explanation of their connection to social media, but simply that it is in their personal universes in a way not true of old farts. I mean, it’s not as if I don’t have accounts everywhere for everything, but I seldom bother. With Twitter, for instance, every time I look at it it’s as if I’m starting from scratch: you’re either in it, or you’re not. It’s easier to be a casual Facebook user, but that makes you mostly a lurker, reading what other people are up to which, if you have enough friends, can pass a bunch of time interestingly enough. But some people, mostly younger, use Facebook as the air they breathe, or at least the interwebs air they breathe (and the mobile air, as well). I’ve seen no explanation of why this is so, or at least no convincing explanation other than it is what it is. Watching corporations try to find their place in this is interesting. For instance, last night someone (Warner Bros?) streamed the movie Casablanca on Facebook. In the universe of Why Bother, this has to rank pretty high, although presumably somehow or other it probably means the fb is looking toward going into the streaming business along with every other business they’ve invaded. Did anyone watch this? Was it really a movie-watching experience? Is the world now divided into people who watch movies and people who live-blog movies?
As I say, I’m not in the game here. I’d like to understand it more, though.
I’m going to take a couple of days off from writing and blogging and whatnot, which is a literal translation of nothing happening, I guess. I don’t see much news on the debate front, needless to say. Some people will go to the various Nats in the next few weeks, but if you’re not among them, well, there you are. Sailorville officially asked me if I was returning next year, and once again I was forced to disappoint the debate community at large by answering yes. I will go away some day. I promise. But not just yet.
If you’re wondering, the DJ is getting downright weird, in ways I can’t pinpoint. I’d explain if I could, but, well, I can’t.
Those folks who have claimed to be my friends and therefore connected with me on Facebook (many of whom I sort of recognize) know that I’ve started hawking Grinwout’s on my fb page. Anyone who followed the Grinwout’s page knows that I’ve stopped hawking it there. The thing is, I’ve gotten a lot more views, and since I’m not doing it for my health (sort of ), it makes sense to go where the action is. Of course, this means that I won’t be posting much else on fb, but I never really have anyhow, so it won’t matter much. I’ve considered emulating O’C and hooking up to Foursquare and posting every time I pass gas, but decided against it. I don’t do anything all that interesting, and when I do, I’ll pass it along in detail here. Excruciatingly painful detail, as the VCA well knows.
Speaking of which, I was talking with someone yesterday about young and old editors (again a propos of the DJ), and one of the things I realized was that the one big difference is not that the younger ones can articulate an explanation of their connection to social media, but simply that it is in their personal universes in a way not true of old farts. I mean, it’s not as if I don’t have accounts everywhere for everything, but I seldom bother. With Twitter, for instance, every time I look at it it’s as if I’m starting from scratch: you’re either in it, or you’re not. It’s easier to be a casual Facebook user, but that makes you mostly a lurker, reading what other people are up to which, if you have enough friends, can pass a bunch of time interestingly enough. But some people, mostly younger, use Facebook as the air they breathe, or at least the interwebs air they breathe (and the mobile air, as well). I’ve seen no explanation of why this is so, or at least no convincing explanation other than it is what it is. Watching corporations try to find their place in this is interesting. For instance, last night someone (Warner Bros?) streamed the movie Casablanca on Facebook. In the universe of Why Bother, this has to rank pretty high, although presumably somehow or other it probably means the fb is looking toward going into the streaming business along with every other business they’ve invaded. Did anyone watch this? Was it really a movie-watching experience? Is the world now divided into people who watch movies and people who live-blog movies?
As I say, I’m not in the game here. I’d like to understand it more, though.
Wednesday, May 09, 2012
The crappy prizes will flow like water
I’m thinking that, maybe, I might start blogging for the DJ again. I’ll at least be doing book reviews (there’s a no-brainer for you); more than that, it’s hard to say. Having sort of invented the category for them, then gotten bumped without notice, then gotten thrown into a random group of other editors, I’m not terribly hopeful, but at the same time, I strongly believe that our brand can do some serious good stuff on the interwebs that we’re just not doing.
I just wasn’t made for these times. It may require reworking of the new sister site. We’ll see.
Speaking of which, I was really taken by that clip of the Beach Boys on Grinwout’s. Previously I was thinking that at best we were talking just another oldies act, but that new song is really good. Can they pull off a whole album like that? We’ll know next month. I’ve been following Brian’s solo career, which has been, in a word, mixed. Sometimes aggressively overproduced misses, sometimes one of my favorite albums ever (“Orange Crate Art”): you never knew what to expect. The jury is still out on the Gershwin album and the Disney album. Interesting choices, though. Anyhow, as a group, the band looks awfully well fed (those royalties must be still coming in), and somebody needs to tell Mike Love that we know he’s lost a hair or two and it’s okay and we’ve known it since 1971, but they sounded incredible. Then again, does anyone look unhappier on stage than Brian Wilson? I’ve seen proctology patients with bigger smiles. (I hope that last sentence doesn’t come across the wrong way.)
Finally, tonight, the Bean Trivialists will get their due. The daughter and O’C are poised to provide their lifelines (I can’t imagine that they’d miss any of these). There’s also a new lifeline, the Spons Google Catastrophe. Can our speech coach Google the answer on the top page of the iPhone? Her computer skills are, uh, well, I’ve seen proctology patients with bigger smiles, so this should be interesting. She’ll be doing it on my iPhone. Of course, she doesn’t know this yet…
I just wasn’t made for these times. It may require reworking of the new sister site. We’ll see.
Speaking of which, I was really taken by that clip of the Beach Boys on Grinwout’s. Previously I was thinking that at best we were talking just another oldies act, but that new song is really good. Can they pull off a whole album like that? We’ll know next month. I’ve been following Brian’s solo career, which has been, in a word, mixed. Sometimes aggressively overproduced misses, sometimes one of my favorite albums ever (“Orange Crate Art”): you never knew what to expect. The jury is still out on the Gershwin album and the Disney album. Interesting choices, though. Anyhow, as a group, the band looks awfully well fed (those royalties must be still coming in), and somebody needs to tell Mike Love that we know he’s lost a hair or two and it’s okay and we’ve known it since 1971, but they sounded incredible. Then again, does anyone look unhappier on stage than Brian Wilson? I’ve seen proctology patients with bigger smiles. (I hope that last sentence doesn’t come across the wrong way.)
Finally, tonight, the Bean Trivialists will get their due. The daughter and O’C are poised to provide their lifelines (I can’t imagine that they’d miss any of these). There’s also a new lifeline, the Spons Google Catastrophe. Can our speech coach Google the answer on the top page of the iPhone? Her computer skills are, uh, well, I’ve seen proctology patients with bigger smiles, so this should be interesting. She’ll be doing it on my iPhone. Of course, she doesn’t know this yet…
Tuesday, May 08, 2012
Why I’m Disconnecting from Foursquare
The following is taken directly from my Foursquare account. They represent the sum total of the check-ins on a given day.
Jon C @ Bronx High School of Science (75 W 205th St) at 4:00 pm.
Jon C @ subway entrance near Bronx High School of Science at 4:04 pm.
Jon C @ seat next to wino on subway at 4:06 pm.
Jon C @ standing up to get away from wino at 4:08 pm.
Wino @ following guy in sweater vest to more comfortable seat at 4:08 pm.
Jon C @ Union Square subway station at 4:32 pm.
Wino @ Union Square subway station at 4:32 pm.
Wino @ comment: Where’d he go? At 4:34 pm.
Jon C @ podiatrist office 4:47 pm.
Jon C @ Epsom salts foot bath at 4:52 pm.
Jon C @ FedEx with suspicious package at 5:22 pm.
Jon C @ on street corner 11th and 5th waiting on his bagman at 5:32 pm
Jon C @ walking past Japonica at 5:45 pm.
Japonica @ staring out window wondering why Jon C didn’t come in at 5:46 pm.
Jon C @ FedEx with another suspicious package at 6:03 pm.
Jon C @ Socks r Us All Argyles One Dollar at 6:07 pm.
Wino @ following guy with big bag of socks at 6:22 pm.
Jon C @ Union Square Shoeshine at 6:32 pm.
Wino @ Union Square Shoeshine getting Oxfords polished by Jon C at 6:34 pm.
Jon C @ Japonica at 7:15 pm. Comment: Dinner with Josh.
Josh @ Japonica at 7:17 pm. Comment: Who is this Jon C guy and why does he keep taking me to dinner at Japonica?
Wino @ comment: How come nobody asked me to dinner at Japonica at 7:17 pm?
Japonica @ comment: breathing sigh of relief that Jon C is back. Who is that wino with the great shoeshine?
Jon C @ Japonica at 7:22. Comment: taking bite of spicy tuna.
Jon C @ Japonica at 7:24. Comment: taking bite of spicy tuna.
Jon C @ Japonica at 7:26. Comment: passing the low sodium soy sauce.
Jon C @ Japonica at 7:28. Comment: taking bite of spicy tuna.
Jon C @ Japonica at 7:30. Comment: could we get some more spicy tuna?
Jon C @ Chez Cruz at 8:44.
Jon C @ brushing teeth at Bathroom Mirror at 9:24.
Jon C @ watching TOS reruns at MacBook Pro, again, at 9:33.
Jon C @ bed under poster of Willow at 10:18.
Next day:
Same as previous day. With different wino.
Jon C @ Bronx High School of Science (75 W 205th St) at 4:00 pm.
Jon C @ subway entrance near Bronx High School of Science at 4:04 pm.
Jon C @ seat next to wino on subway at 4:06 pm.
Jon C @ standing up to get away from wino at 4:08 pm.
Wino @ following guy in sweater vest to more comfortable seat at 4:08 pm.
Jon C @ Union Square subway station at 4:32 pm.
Wino @ Union Square subway station at 4:32 pm.
Wino @ comment: Where’d he go? At 4:34 pm.
Jon C @ podiatrist office 4:47 pm.
Jon C @ Epsom salts foot bath at 4:52 pm.
Jon C @ FedEx with suspicious package at 5:22 pm.
Jon C @ on street corner 11th and 5th waiting on his bagman at 5:32 pm
Jon C @ walking past Japonica at 5:45 pm.
Japonica @ staring out window wondering why Jon C didn’t come in at 5:46 pm.
Jon C @ FedEx with another suspicious package at 6:03 pm.
Jon C @ Socks r Us All Argyles One Dollar at 6:07 pm.
Wino @ following guy with big bag of socks at 6:22 pm.
Jon C @ Union Square Shoeshine at 6:32 pm.
Wino @ Union Square Shoeshine getting Oxfords polished by Jon C at 6:34 pm.
Jon C @ Japonica at 7:15 pm. Comment: Dinner with Josh.
Josh @ Japonica at 7:17 pm. Comment: Who is this Jon C guy and why does he keep taking me to dinner at Japonica?
Wino @ comment: How come nobody asked me to dinner at Japonica at 7:17 pm?
Japonica @ comment: breathing sigh of relief that Jon C is back. Who is that wino with the great shoeshine?
Jon C @ Japonica at 7:22. Comment: taking bite of spicy tuna.
Jon C @ Japonica at 7:24. Comment: taking bite of spicy tuna.
Jon C @ Japonica at 7:26. Comment: passing the low sodium soy sauce.
Jon C @ Japonica at 7:28. Comment: taking bite of spicy tuna.
Jon C @ Japonica at 7:30. Comment: could we get some more spicy tuna?
Jon C @ Chez Cruz at 8:44.
Jon C @ brushing teeth at Bathroom Mirror at 9:24.
Jon C @ watching TOS reruns at MacBook Pro, again, at 9:33.
Jon C @ bed under poster of Willow at 10:18.
Next day:
Same as previous day. With different wino.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)