Breaking news!!!

Okay. This is pretty cool.

It seems that Camp WTF-a-Mucka has been so successful lately that this year they’re going to be studying the morals of the trolley problem using a real trolley. They’ve built a set of tracks behind one of the dorms, with a fork in the rails that separates into two paths surrounded by high cliffs, and there’s no way anyone can humanly escape when the trolley (a Tatra T3—they had originally wanted to use the trolley from Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood, but that’s now being used to torture preschoolers in underdeveloped countries) comes barreling down on them. In order to maintain a sense of hyperrealism, the camp is going to put real people on the tracks to potentially be killed by the real trolley. This may sound extreme, but the good news is that they’re using only TOC-qualified LDers from Whitman; there’s so many of them that nobody would ever miss a dozen or two. The only problem the camp is having is finding a fat guy to throw in front of the trolley. There are plenty of fat guys in debate, of course, but all of them are coaches and they’ve all been around long enough to know that, when it comes time to throw the fat guy off the bridge to stop the trolley, while most people might have second thoughts, the students at Camp WTF-a-Mucka will do it without blinking an eye. Fat coaches by the dozens are signing up for camps around the country as far away from Los Angeles as they can get, just to be on the safe side. According to unofficial reports from Camp WAM, they may have to tie two or three skinny coaches together to get the desired result. The good news is that they’re using coaches from Whitman because, again, there’s so many of them that nobody would ever miss a dozen or two.