More articles we [did not] [had to] finish reading

These headlines are all real, directly copied from our RSS feed without editing.

First, the did-nots.

• Knowing You Are Closer To Death Makes You Happy
  
• What's In Your Colon?
  
• The Retired Man's Guide to Snow Removal
  
• Can You Eat Your Own Poop?
  
• French lazy, says U.S. CEO
  
• Tiffani Thiessen: I Don't Think 'Saved by the Bell' Will Ever Die!
  

On the other hand, a single article that had to read:

• What We Can Learn from 10,000 Porn Stars