More articles we didn't finish reading

These headlines are all real, directly copied from our RSS feed without editing. When we say we didn't read them, we mean it. They didn't exactly pull us in, for some reason...

• Meet the ‘invisible people’ who pick up the trash at Mitt’s $12 million beachfront mansion
  
• Here Is A Cautionary Illustration Of Why You Should Not Stick Your Head In A Trash Can
  
• Things You Need to Know about Memory Foam Mattresses
  
• Pass Me That Bowl of Maggots, Will You?
  
• And Here Is a Wookiee Belly-Dancing to a Four-Piece Klingon Band