5. Tab the tournament. There's always a couple of jokers who think that striking the tab room is the height of hilarity. And it so is. Why, Oscar Wilde himself, the god of wit, when he was at a loss for words, always struck the tab room. As he used to say at these times, "Uh, hmh, uh, er..."
4. Use the words "big picture" in your paradigm. This is especially useful at TOC if you need to get to Starbucks more often.
3. Describe in your paradigm how you don't really like theory, but you will sometimes consider theory, and then always pick up kids on theory whenever you can. This will make you, theoretically, a hot strike at any tournament.
2. Have either "Mr." or "Mrs." as your first name on the strike sheet. This will work even if your last name is Timmons, Savage, Craven, Jih, Theis, etc. Again, look at it as more quality time with those triple nonfat lattes.
1. Suck hugely. The number one way of getting struck at any tournament remains the tried and true method of judging a lot and getting a reputation as a profound idiot. This is the one I personally recommend as absolutely fail-safe. (If you wish to pursue this option further, send for my handy dandy introductory online instructional package, "Applying Theory to the Big Picture," for a one-time-only price of $99.99, and you, too, will be about to amaze your friends and family with your knowledge of values, criteria, spikes, turns, and the location of every Starbucks in the continental USA.)
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