Peppy's Diary

Well, he seems pretty peppy to me. I'm not sure why he sent this to me, but here it is. Make of it what you will.

Dear Mr. Menick:

I thought you my be interested in my diary. This is just for one day, mind you. They keep us awfully busy here.

3/19/05

5:00 Reveille.
5:25 Fell out for inspection.
5:35 Breakfast
5:45 Entered first post into website announcing names of remaining 27 LDers in the Guam District.
5:50 Checked AP, Reuters, UPI, Yahoo, Fark and Debatehotties.com for late-breaking news
6:03 Signed out offficial cub reporter's jeep from VBD motor pool and drove to first venue of the day, the Shazam District tournament at Billy Batson Middle School
6:29 Arrived at BBMS. All doors locked, building deserted.
6:31 Broke into tab room
6:38 Worked out predictions of next set of downs and outs
6:39 Entered second post into website announcing names of Billy Batson Down and Outs, including photographs of empty coffee cups strewn around judges' lounge.
6:41 Back into VBD jeep.
7:55 Arrived at Fulsom Prison five minutes ahead of schedule
8:00 Interviewed Prisoner #48302398 (former LD champ of Simoleon District)
8:02 [Laughed.]
8:45 Entered third post into website, transcript of interview with former LD champ of Simoleon District
9:03 Entered fourth post into website, "Did You Know" teasers about former LD champ of Simoleon District
9:14 Received TRO regarding interview with former LD champ of Simoleon District. Logged on and deleted same.
9:22 Left Fulsom Prison with a stern warning from the warden never to darken his door again or he'd send me into cellblock eight where nice boys like Herman Melville are never heard from again.
10:02 Arrived at Bartholomew Cubbins HS. Changed hat. Responded to 13 comments on deletion of former LD champ of Simoleon District interview
10:11 Knocked down surly ballot table OI freshman girl to gain access to Bartholomew Cubbins HS psychotropic laboratory, where they were tabbing the Oobleck District. Contretemps resulted in much sturm and drang. Stole 3 DUO cards, photographed them.
11:15 After a short visit to the Oobleck County Hospital and Plumbing Supplies emergency room, found Starbucks and logged on. Entered fifth post, Photos Live from Oobleck of 3 DUO cards.
11:17 Entered sixth post advertisting summer camp.
11:18 Checked debatehotties.com for latebreaking news.
11:22 Ordered mocha latte lite half caf with biscotti.
11:45 Back in jeep, heading for Beth Israel CFL Debate Grands.
12:33 Arrived at Beth Israel. Donned yarmulke and attempted to enter tab room. Three Dominican nuns, a Swiss guard and a yenta blocked passage.
12:35 Posted seventh entry of the day, reporting no news from Beth Israel Archdiocese.
12:36 Checked debatehotties.com for latebreaking news. Learned that former LD champ of Simoleon District had escaped from Fulsom Prison. Feared for life.
12:48 Found deli across the street from Beth Israel. Ate lunch.
1:01 Posted eighth entry, describing lunch, complete with photos of fat trimmed from corned beef. Computer crashed.
1:05 Headed back to HQ for further orders.

I can send you the afternoon if you wish, including the SWAT team standoff with former LD champ of Simoleon District. Just let me know.

Your friend,
Herman Melville
Cub Reporter