I've been reading Disney Wars; anyone who knows me knows that I've been reading Disney Wars, so is it sheer coincidence that the following bulletin was in my mailbox this morning?
For Immediate Release, March 9, 2005 -- VBD-Disney Merger Announced
Representatives of VBD and The Walt Disney Company announced today their intention to merge their two corporations, pending government approval.
“It’s a perfect fit,” said soon-to-be-panhandling-on-Times-Square Disney CEO Michael Eisner. “Disney has the content, and VBD has the global reach.”
“We feel that the theme parks are especially important to the VBD vision,” said an unnamed representative presently holed up in Orlando, Florida, home of the Walt Disney World resort. “Having had my boat break down, stranding me for three and a half hours on the It’s a Small World attraction with no break from the delightful tune that accompanies the ride, has opened my eyes to numerous new possibilities, many of them short of homicidal rampage.”
The deal with the VBD team was conducted in the strictest secrecy by representatives not only of the Disney management but of the vocal Dump-Eisner team led by Roy E. Disney. Final agreement was reached on Pleasure Island. “We had to get the VBD guy pretty inebriated,” Marty Sklar, Chief Imagineer reported, “but it wasn’t hard. Two cranberry martinis and he was doing the hula on stage with Minnie and promising to promote our cribs the first chance he got.”
Media pundits are cautiously optimistic about this surprise joining of two mega-corporations. “It’s a chance for VBD to reach the preschool market,” commented Objectivist Philosopher Alan Greenspan, “while for Disney it’s an opportunity to acquire an entire collection of schematics readymade. Both sides could benefit, but there is a chance that the sheer size of the operation could be its downfall.”
Disney (DIS) and VBD (TOC) both trade on the NYSE.
For further information, contact Herman Melville, Cub Reporter, at VBD.
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