Hello, Muddah. Hello, Foddah.

This morning readers of this blog had a choice of options, none of which were chosen.

Readers could choose from “Advancing to the Rear or ‘The Lost Art of Noogies’ ” with Tommy Makum and the Clancy Brothers, “101 Uses for Evidence in the Home” with Neil Armstrong, Neil Gaiman and Neil Diamond (with an introduction by Neil Young), “Framework Techniques for Constructing Shaker Furniture Using Matt’s Ax” with Susan Either Todayorto-Morrow, “Cleaning Up after Eco-Politics” with liver and onions, “Rawls v. Nozick Celebrity Deathmatch” with Avis (“Budget”) Hertz, and “The Social Contract on $40 a Day” with Water Melon.

In the second session, readers could choose from
“Cross-Examination” with Mr. Mxyzptlk (prerequisite for tomorrow’s lecture: “Niotanimaxe-ssorc” with Mr. Kltpzyxm), “Shuffling and Dealing Confusing Positions Without Palming any Aces” with a side of fries, “Economics 101, or ‘Throwing Away Your Parents Money on So-Called Academic Camps When What You Really Want to do is Party Like There’s No Tomorrow’ ″ with Underly Overtone, “The Greatest Good: An Introduction to Utilitarianism” (not available to everyone unless they’re in the majority) with Peter Singer and the Baby-Killers, “Survey of Postmodernism: Understanding the Critique of Morality and Metaphysics (sorry, metaphysics no longer exists; for the sake of this lecture we’ll be substituting bluefin tuna, which also practically no longer exists)” with occasional nods to the English language, “Using Sociology and Psychology in Dance and the Martial Arts” with Calpurnia Klinglehoffer, a flowing gown with whoever fits in it, and a rebuttal rodeo drill with authentic 17th Century dental tools.