BEAN SHLUBBOLA
Affiliation: Dick Cheney Junior Academy of the Arts and Sciences (Location withheld by request)
Coaches: Valerie Plame, Antonin Scalia, Ashton Kushner, Aaron Sorkin, Cher, Margaret Thatcher, Lance Burton, John Cleese, Anthony Bourdain, Regis Philbin, Opus Dei, Vladimir Putin, J. K. Rowling, Duke University Lacrosse Team, Jeb Bush, Cyrano Jones, Paula Zahn, Larson E. Whipsnade, Bertram Wilberforce Wooster, Celine Dion, Bernie Taupin, The Chuckster (aka, His Royal Highness Prince Charles Philip Arthur George, Prince of Wales, KG, KT, GCB, OM, AK, QSO, PC, ADC, Earl of Chester, Duke of Cornwall, Duke of Rothesay, Earl of Carrick, Baron of Renfrew, Lord of the Isles and Prince and Great Steward of Scotland), Rufus T. Firefly, etc. (Other names provided upon request)
Class: Very little (Sinking Sophomore)
NFL Degree: Nth
Lab: A chocolate two-year-old bitch named Poopie. (You were asking about his dog, right?)
How did you first get involved in debate?
I am not involved in debate. I wouldn’t want to be a member of any activity that would have somebody like me for a member.
What is your proudest achievement in debate thus far?
I have lost to some of the best novices in the country. Going forward, I hope to start losing to varsity debaters.
What are your hobbies beyond debate?
Trepanation, cat wrangling, spaghetti.
What are your main goals for WTF@ROTFL?
Demonstrating that Planck’s constant is, in fact, a fickle little [expletive deleted].
What is your favorite thing about camp thus far?
Jon Cruz’s sweater.
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