In light of CP's comments about the NCFL topic next month, I have been fortunate in uncovering the topics that were not accepted by the selection committee. You can judge for yourself if they're any better than the actual topic.
Resolved: Obama should concede the nomination to Hillary Clinton because she’s a girl.
Resolved: George W. Bush is a schmuck.
Resolved: Public Forum should adapt value and criterion standards like LD, and then ignore them.
Resolved: If indigenous people don’t want to be poor, they should learn to deal Blackjack.
Resolved: The United States should bomb the hell out of the enemy in Iraq, once we figure out who the enemy is.
Resolved: Dick Cheney makes the Antichrist look like Kermit the Frog.
Resolved: Osama bin-Laden is living in Bermuda under the assumed name of Barney bin-Rubble.
Resolved: The Supreme Court should lighten up a little bit and apply the death penalty to anyone who wants it for any reason whatsoever.
Resolved: The 4th Amendment means just what it says it means, whatever that is.
Resolved: Wouldn’t we all be better off if we just waited until Chelsea hits her thirty-fifth birthday?
Resolved: Russia gets really cold in the winter.
Resolved: George W. Bush is still a schmuck.
Resolved: If God had wanted man to fly, He would have bought him a plane ticket.
Resolved: Tiger Woods is to golf what Jon Cruz is to pomp.
Resolved: Matt Thomas is the father of Dan Cook.
Resolved: Anyone who inadvertently gives my name to Facebook to sign up for yet another application should have their nose eliminated.
Resolved: Scrabulous should accept the non-words I put in but not the non-words anyone else puts in.
Resolved: Steve Jobs should get some bright colors into his wardrobe.
Resolved: George W. Bush is becoming more of a schmuck with every passing minute.
Resolved: John McCain isn’t all that old. Yet.
Resolved: Red states and blue states should come together and make purple states.
Resolved: Chetan should be issued larger ballots because he already completely fills up the ones that are merely eight by eleven.
Resolved: Debaters should at least try to read Chetan’s eight-by-eleven ballots.
Resolved: In order to co-exist with the Catholic Forensic League, the NFL should rename itself the Non-Catholic Forensic League.
Resolved: Consarn it! #%$(%*& Bush is even schmuckier than I thought!
Resolved: Resolution writers for the CFL should get a 15% raise.
(I want to thank His Holiness for passing these along to me during his otherwise busy schedule visiting our fair nation—JM)
No comments:
Post a Comment