If Wednesday this is, then Nostrum it is — Yoda

I'm not quite sure what the impetus for this epistle was, but there's nothing new about that.

The Other Medium is the Message

It has come to our attention that there are people out there who: 1) are not reading these letters, and 2) are reading these letters but not reading Nostrum. If you fall into the first category, and are therefore not reading this, but instead erase all JulieCBS messages from your mailbox without even opening them, we can only say, Je regrette rien, which is absolutely meaningless in this context, but since you’re not reading this anyhow, so what? If you fall into the second category, and read these letters but don’t partake of their raison d’etre, then you are just like—

But words fail us. Reading these letters without reading Nostrum is like... what? The Nostrum Analogy Institute (our slogan is, “Try Us. We’re Incomparable!”) is at a loss. Like reading the back of a cereal box without scarfing down the Cocoa Puffs? Sticking your thumb into the bottom of the chocolates to determine which are the cherry cordials and which the nougats and then carefully putting the mortally wounded bonbons back into their little black pantaloons? Going into a Dunkin’ Donuts and licking off the white sugar but then putting the little dough rocket back on the shelf? None of these actually fit the bill, obviously. But we know that you’re out there, greedily reading these letters and occasionally playing them backwards to find references to the devil; we even get letters from some of you, including one of you who is a virtual legend and whose life you claim we have changed (not just your life, your universe!), but we know that when you face the mountain that is our true oeuvre, you shiver and shake and run screaming from your microprocessors.

We are not amused. Is it any wonder that we almost don’t make it every week? Is it any wonder that the Nostrumite is in a state of permanent depression? Is it any wonder that the three remaining people who are truly saintly know that since this is Wednesday now is the time to consult http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Forum/6298/index.html [ah, yes — Geocities!!!]

The only thing left to cheer us up is the knowledge that even Bill Gates can’t get Windows 98 to run correctly. And by the way, if anyone has an extra room available in Kentucky, would you please keep it to yourself?

Jules

I love the references to people begging for rooms at the TOC, and the lost-in-the-primordial-mists reference to Gates and his late unlamented operating system. 1998? And good old Geocities. Click on that link now and they try to sell you Yahoo hosting. Welcome to the future!