If this is Wednesday, etc., etc., etc.

A couple more excerpts from the epistles.

Meanwhile, the Nostrumite is in a state of permanent depression over the article in the Sunday Times about Philosophers replacing Psychotherapists. Philosophical Therapists? There’s a concept for you. “The problem with you is a little too much teleology.” If you read the article, you know this is serious. Philosophers are banding together to put some muscle on medical insurers so that their clients can get coverage. For what? Fear and trembling? Failure to understand the math in Rawls? Not getting the jokes in Rousseau? (You didn’t know there were jokes in Rousseau? Tsk-tsk.) What is this world coming to, when instead of interpreting your dreams, they start interpreting your hermeneutics?

Of course, members of the VCA will recall that I am a big fan of experimental philosophy and consilience and all manner of everything being factual sooner or later, thank you very much Mr. Gradgrind. Anyhow, there’s more little niceties in the subsequent letters, including the Mite’s calculations of a comet hitting the earth and Joan Rivers interviewing Rosa Parks on the red carpet on Oscar night (which seems to have really happened), before we get to this discussion of Nostrum merchandise. (Nosmerch?)

We almost didn’t make it this week. The Nostrumite is in a state of permanent depression brought on by a visit to the local mall last weekend. After being sucked into both a Disney and a Warner Bros store, the lad began bemoaning the lack of Nostrum merchandise available to the general consumer. According to the Mite, there would be a big market out there among our true fans, as well as those who would just like to look like our true fans. Nostrum Fan Wannabes, I guess. In addition to the obvious goods—Nostrum hats, Nostrum tee shirts, Nostrum sweat shirts, a line of Nostrum toddler items like sleepers and training pants, a complete range of Nostrum lingerie (nicknamed “Nostrumite’s Secret”) and various specific items like Nostrum coveralls for farmers and Nostrum hardhats for construction workers, we could also sell character-oriented merchandise like Lisa Torte “Narrative Isn’t” coffee mugs and our own brand of Seth B. Obomash Potato Chips (“They’re better than Lays”) and Mr. Lo Pat wheelchair batteries and Cartier Diamond sports car replicas and Camelia Maru “Girl Detective” Kits. We could have videos of the British series on which Nostrum is based (of course, the series doesn’t exist, but we need something to appeal to the PBS set), we could have original cast albums (we’re thinking of releasing the Round Robinski version of “New York, New York” as a single prior to its publication in Nostrum in a few weeks), and, of course, a line of books based on the series (Nostrum: The Novelization). We’d also sell forensics products like Nostrum flow pads and Nostrum pens and Nostrum timers, and we’d stock relevant books like “101 Monologues for Confused Teenagers” and “The Dummy’s Guide to Locke” and “Chicken Soup for Fast Talkers.” More than anything, we’d sell countless “Welcome to the Bahamas” buttons to Objectivists from Lexington who are tiring of their “Who is John Galt?” materiel.

The Mite is pretty enthused about all this. If you’re interested in obtaining a merchandising license, you can contact him directly (nostrumite@cloudcuckooland.com will probably reach him just fine).