More articles we didn't finish reading

The internet never fails to provide material that need not be provided. These headlines are all real, directly copied from our RSS feed without editing.

• Man Cuddles With Pythons To Celebrate The New Year
  
• Getting a Vasectomy Has Never Been Easier!
  
• How much does it cost for Malcolm McDowell to go to the toilet?: A rare interview from 1976
  
• Did Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie secretly marry on Christmas Day?
  
• A Wine Made From Feces Gets Good Reviews From Unsuspecting Tasters
  

On the other hand, I had no choice but to read Oompa-Loompas Sought in Assault Case and Blood Found in a Dried Squash Belongs to Louis XVI.