Announcement!

There’s a lot of excitement in ForensicsLand these days. The Big Jake tournament has just announced—. Well, I’ll let O’C speak for himself.

Greetings to the debate community:

The Bronx High School of the Science is proud to announce a new series of awards that will be handed out at the 39th (XXXIXth) Annual New York City Invitational Award Ceremony (with accompanying debate tournament). Each award will be a handsome solid einsteinium replica of downtown Beijing, guaranteed to spiff up any school’s trophy case!

The Sarah Palin Award: Given to the first student at the tournament to forfeit a round.

The Mark Sanford Award: Given to the student who disappears for the longest time between rounds.

The Joe Biden Award: Given to the policy student who says the most things to get his or her partner is cringing under the table.

The New York State Assembly Award: Given to whichever half of the congress students refuses to cooperate with the other half.

The Iranian Election Award: This award will be voted on by all the students at the tournament, although the decision will be announced before the tournament starts. Students who lose in the voting will be incarcerated for life.

The Dick Cheney Award: NOTE: The Dick Cheney Award has been retired. With any luck, it will go away. We can dream, can’t we?

The Best Hope Award (also known as the Ryan Hamilton Award, or the Hammy): This award will be given to any Republican politician who hasn’t been arrested by October 2009.

The Bietz Award: Given to the student or team who arrives with the most electronic gadgets.

The Fogie Award: Given to the oldest living Bronx Science alumni who shows up to judge rounds. (NOTE: non-living alumni who show up are not eligible for the award, although they still might be used in the down-six bracket.)

The Debate Princess Award: Criteria for winning this award are, at the moment, unclear, but we understand that there is, nonetheless, fierce competition. We’ll keep you posted.

The California State Budget Award: Given to the school with the best reason not to pay its registration fees.

The Foods of the World Unite Award: Given to all students who are willing to wait until the forks arrive before diving into their lunch noodles.

A series of "I Sat Through All 43 Award Ceremonies and All I got was this Lousy T Shirt" consolation awards will also be handed out. These will, of course, be T shirts, but the likelihood of anyone coming to the tournament and NOT getting an award is pretty damned small, so be prepared. Einsteinium is pretty radioactive, and also pretty toxic, as these things go. It is advisable that all teams bring a lead-lined suitcase and a hazmat suit, just in case...