Coachean blog supplemental: A Stumper Bonus!

Just in time for Bigle X, it’s the STUMP THE CHUMP BIRTHDAY EDITION.

Dear Chump:
It’s nowhere near the Chump’s birthday, so why is this the birthday edition?
Befuddled

Dear Beef:
It’s close enough.
The Chump

Dear Chump:
What is the Chump’s favorite television show?
Addicted to American Idol

Dear American Idler:
The Chump watches TV 24/7. Among his favorite shows are “Saved by the Bell: The Rhodes Scholar Years,” “William Shatner: Behind the Music,” “Rachael Ray, Far Away (as Far Away as Possible),” “Queer Eye for the French Postmodernist Philosopher,” pay-for-view wrestling (hi-def only), Green Bay Packers games (whatever they are), Nietzsche und die Verrückt Hausfraus (to practice his German), and Creflo Dollar.
The Chump

Dear Chump:
What are the Chump’s debate credentials?
Elmer from Homeland Security

Dear Elm:
The Chump has earned a degree in karate from the Mr. Sun Number One School of Mooning, an honorable discharge from the Imperial Clone Army, holds the Dick Cheney chair of applied ethics at Great Neck University of the Arts, Sciences and Implied Insults, and is a recent subscriber to the large-type edition of the Reader’s Digest. His team of crack scientologists have won such awards as the Tom Cruise Medal of Logical Positivism, first, second, third and fourth place in the Everyone’s-A-Winner Self-Esteem-Building I-Love-Me-So-Why-Don’t-You Marathon, three Nobel Prizes (for peace, economics and home-cooking) and a variety of indulgences from the Vatican, the Kremlin and Mike Bietz.
The Chump

Dear Chump:
Did the Chump ever win a debate tournament?
Delve Deeper

Dear Delve:
Mind your own #&%@ business.
The Chump

Dear Chump:
How much would the Chump pay for a real starship cruiser (not a model) in pristine condition? All it needs are some spark plugs, a couple of tires, a new pair of dilithium crystals and a jump start.
Cyrano Jones

Dear Cyrano:
The Chump refuses to play your silly game. Everyone knows that a real starship cruiser requires two pairs of dilithium crystals. Go back to your tribbles where you belong!
The Chump

Dear Chump:
When is the Chump planning on leaving the Bronx for a school in the United States?
Red State Nate

Dear Red:
The Chump plans on remaining at the Bronx Home for Reclaimed Scientologists until his school has more NFL points that Hillary Clinton has ambition.
The Chump

Dear Chump:
Will the Chump be at Lexington this year?
A Mass Piker

Dear Piker:
Although he has been declared a useless judge by the tabroom.com software, the TRPC software, Microsoft Office, Doom, Donkey Kong and the Supreme Court, the Chump plans to only take as many rounds off as he can, claiming that he has to handle bureaucratic chores and keep up with his flossing.
The Chump

Dear Chump:
Will your negative attitude about Chumping know no boundaries?
A Bounder

Dear Bounder:
The Chump knows no nos. Everyone knows that, nu? No? Na’ah.
The Chump