Worldly musings

So, what’s been going on the last couple of weeks? Nothing, as far as I can see. Everyone polishing their knives for CatNats, more than anything else. I’d be going to Texas myself if the Crank weren’t being fraternal. I’ve always said that, aside from the one really long day of rounds on Saturday, CatNats is one of the most fun weekends of the year, and I’m always happy when a Sailor or two qualifies. For that matter, I’m always happy when a Sailor or two qualifies for pretty much anything. I consider their successes a tribute to my coaching skills; their failures, of course, are entirely their own responsibility. But you knew that.

Anyhow, it's time to begin "How I Spent My Spring Vacation." As a general rule, when I go to Disney (a generic term covering any Disney park), I get into the experience pretty solidly, and don’t sit around mediating on the the post-contemporary ramifications of the thing. That’s for later. So, to begin with, some notes on the experience of Disney qua Disney.

1. Go in May. Not that many other people do. It’s not as empty as, say, January, but everything is open and jumping, and there’s enough people to enliven the proceedings without choking the entryways. I’ve also been during Presidents’ Week (very crowded) and mid-Summer (fairly crowded), and believe me, May is my favorite so far. Also, the weather is good, unlike January, when you’re lucky to get even one swimming day in, much less a full Blizzard Beach. September is also quite good, but with new debate seasons starting up, and my need to explain to this year’s novices how their successes are due to me and their failures are all their own, that month is pretty much off the books for the time being (the first time we took Kate, when she was 4, was in September—the place was about as deserted as January). For the record, Christmas week is the most crowded. You’ve got to be nuts to go to Disney when it’s the most crowded. Be my guest, as the song says.

2. Start with AK and end with MK. You’ll never top MK, so work up to it.

3. Expedition Everest is, well… Let me explain. We went on it at about 9:30 the very first morning (it was down at the opening). On exiting, we were compelled to pick up a FastPass to ride it again. After using that FastPass, we were compelled to get another FastPass to ride it yet again (you can do that when the park isn’t overcrowded; you're allowed to get a new FP an hour after the old one is issued—it’s like eating Chinese food, as the old joke would have it). Everest is the best new ride in the last 5 years, no question, period. Not only a great ride, but fabulous theming. Your opening salvo should be first thing in the morning through the full line, just for the total experience.

4. There’s too many good restaurants these days. In the 70s, you’d be lucky to get a decent meal within fifty miles of the place. Now you’ve got a great meal every night, and some nights a really great meal. Food for the trip cost more than rooms and flights combined. Recommendation: pack a few astronaut dinners for in-room dining for one or two night and save a few bucks.

5. Why does an otherwise intelligent person spend more time contemplating pins than on any other non-ride activity? Doesn’t the sight of the pin traders loitering in Downtown Disney, the most disreputable looking batch of humanity since Dante’s Inferno, indicate the Despond into which you are Sloughing (if you don’t mind mixed allusions)? I am especially proud of my shiny new Darth Tater pin. I can't get enough of Darth Tater: it's as simple as that.

6. You should visit the Universal parks. Once. Spiderman is still tops in the dark ride competition, but Disney, as they say, gets it, and Universal doesn’t. More on this in future posts. We spent a lot of time analyzing why this was true (which is why you should always travel to WDW with ex-debaters).

7. They’ve pretty much taken all the fish out of SeaWorld and replaced them with people dressed like fish, in some sort of Cirque du Soleil wannabe attempt. I prefer the real fish. So would Baudrillard.

8. Most improved attraction: Tower of Terror. It used to start great, them mindlessly pump you up and down an elevator shaft a few times while you wondered how long the line was for Rock N Roller Coaster. Now the theming is constant throughout the experience. It’s finally a full attraction and worth the early morning bee-line.

9. The automobile stunt show was much better than I had expected. I hope to have my hearing back by mid-August.

10. The very last ride, the very last night, right before the parade and the fireworks and packing up all the dirty socks, was it’s a small world (lowercase characters and all). A traditionalist would consider this a happy ending. Many people, including half of my traveling party, consider this a torture worthy of the darkest of dark ages. As Nietzsche said, we all have to decide for ourselves whether 2741 children dolls in stereotypical national dress singing that song over and over and over again, in 83 different languages, is proof of the existence of Satan. In any case, it was 8:00 and, lo and behold, there is a clock in there, just like Disneyland, but on a smaller scale. Who knew?

Coming next: Disney Princesses!