Newburgh Faux Academy

As I kept saying to Kaz, we could have been in Newburgh Saturday, and all this would have been hers.

In fact, it came off swimmingly. The first thing I heard when I arrived was that there was a flood in the chorus room (sewage, no less), but it wasn't one of our promised rooms, we didn't cause the flood, and help was on the way. This reminded me of the Bump that started with a water main break that had shut down all the water to the school, and they were threatening to send everyone home because they couldn't flush the toilets. My explaining that debaters never flush the toilets anyhow wasn't really seen as a reason to go on, but fortunately the main was fixed, the water flowed, and, although I wouldn't swear to this, the toilets were flushed during the ensuing event.

Mrs. DIML, Mere d'Ewok and Nicole's Mom (a pitiful excuse for a nickname—sorry) were there b & e to get the judge's lounge stocked and to handle the food. I threw some money at them and pretty much never saw them again except to get more money back at the end of the day than I had originally thrown. We actually made almost $300 selling candy, water and pizza. I was rather impressed, because I had really expected to lose money, just because I'm a glum sort of guy. But the MOD Squad (Mothers of Debaters) pulled it off. Sweet.

There were a few arrival hoops to be jumped through, what with a number of folks showing up via Metro North, but everything started when it had oughta. The strangest thing was when I made the announcement of our new rule that having your cell phone go off during a round was an automatic forfeit. You'd think I'd announced that the losers of every debate would be sterilized on the spot to prevent them from ever reproducing other bad debaters. No cell phones during the round? OMG, like, I mean, that is so not happening! Wait till next time when I tell them they can't watch Desperate Housewives rerurns on their video iPods. Am I cruel or what?

The goal was to conduct 4 rounds, with actual power-pairing on 3 and 4. And it happened. My outside goal was a 6:00 award ceremony, and if the copy machine had been faster (I was using my Dell all-in-one) we would have made it. That's quite an accomplishment, not for me but for the teams involved. Everyone hustled to make it happen, and happen it did. That makes for a much better tournament no matter how you slice it. We managed to pull off three PF rounds (a first for the league), in rather bizarre conditions over at the Dome. HoraceMan, the superhero without any superpowers, and Robbie the Hardware Engineer managed to win and go undefeated in the event, while pulling down pretty much the worse speaks of the day. The idea that this is a speaking and not a debating activity didn't necessarily get across (which, of course, is the bane of the activity's existence in the first place). If you bring debating skills to it as compared to oratorical skills, it's going to be more like a debate round than a speech round, simple as that. The Fresh Pfffs of Hen Hud will try again at Little Lex; I expect their success to be slightly attenuated when they meet teams that have actually done this before.

As for debate, our guys did fine, and Alex went undefeated for a third place. The main event was dinner afterwards, which was an education. Or more to the point, will lead to an education. I am reminded of the bleak old days, when the group presently about to graduate college first dined out with me. That was when I was forced to realign my educational goals from helping students learn how to debate to making it so that I wouldn't mind being seen in public with these people. (And if you doubt me, think spoons on noses at NFA.) And—OMG, like, I mean, that is so not happening!—I've got to eat with them twice this coming weekend. Note to self: Add ettiquette lesson to the cur for tomorrow night.