Selections from Menick's Dictionary of Forensic Diseases and Mental Defects

Judgenfreude: Taking pleasure in seeing someone else assigned to an especially problematic match.

These four are a connected syndrome:

The Parent Trap: When coaches trick parents into judging VLD without properly preparing them for the experience. (Not to be confused with the Parent Trap Torture, i.e., the forced watching of the entire oeuvre of Lindsay Lohan films, which is not necessarily debate-related.)

Starbucks: Where the coaches are when the parents realize they are trapped.

Tab room: Where the parents go when they realized they are trapped.

Hell: Where the tab room tells the trapped parents to go, and to bring their coach with them.

Number blindness: The inability of coaches to realize that 3s, 4s and 5s are not 6s. Also known as the half-field strike fallacy.

Preferential brainwash: The inability of coaches to remember that once upon a time there was no such thing as MJP, and debaters just learned to win ballots from whoever was sitting in the back of the room. See also, The Lost Art, The Good Old Days, Back When I Was a Debater, etc.

Gargoylation: The process in which any member of the organization of either side of a debate sits in the back of the room and stares grimly throughout the proceedings, then at the end of the round spends the next hour interrogating any judge who did not pick up the student from their organization, thus holding up the entire tournament. Often this action is followed by the gargoylator complaining that the tournament is not running on schedule.

Obligation shruggation: The inability of a judge to accept that his or her obligation is one round past their team’s participation, and not whenever the spirit moves them.

Judge abuse (perceived): The idea that a judge, being used regularly throughout the tournament, is being abused by not having three hour breaks on a regular basis.

Judge abuse (actual): Placing a judge who has complained that they have had to judge regularly throughout the tournament into nothing but down-5 rounds at this tournament, the next tournament, and any other tournament that you’re tabbing and they’re judging.

Tabelephantine memory: The ability of tab staff to remember every offense by every individual in the debate community until the end of time. See Judge abuse, above.

Dystechia: The sudden inability on the part of a judge to operate any personal device that could conceivably enable the judge to submit an electronic ballot. Often found in nursing homes, homeless shelters and states with liberal marijuana laws.

Primeval electric forest confusion: The mistaken belief that wherever you are, the world owes you a socket to plug in your computer.

Leherschreibtisch lebensraum: Originally described by Carl Jung, who made it all into one word which even the Germans found too Germanic, the belief that you ought to be able to sit at the teacher’s desk and, if you are so inclined, go through the drawers looking for the good stuff.
Tournament of Champions: Mythical tournament where, according to the interwebs, the wrong people get in, the wrong people judge, the wrong people break and the wrong people win. Said to take place often during the Kentucky Derby, probably in reference to all the attendant horseshit that descends upon the event.