In which we say, I mean, seriously people

1. First of all, don't tell me you signed up on December 1. I can see you signed up on Jan 15th.

2. When I say there's no room, that means, shockingly enough, that there's no room. It does not mean that if you keep asking, suddenly rooms will appear out of the ether. Would you like to look at my room spreadsheet? It has sent stronger folks than you into a state of permanent depression.

3. You think that you might not be obligated on Sunday? For round 6? I'm sure your teams suck, but still...

4. How dare I delete your TBAs after only 3 messages warning you that I was going to delete your TBAs? Oh, wait a minute. Your school is expensive. My mistake.

5. If I ask you to tell me X, do not tell my Y - Z, as X does not extrapolate from this. In other words, when I ask you a direct question, please answer that question. Or, after a long, fruitless email exchange, go to the TDs with yet another dialogue that even Beckett would have thought was absurd on top of the one we've already had, making things even more confusing. Should I wonder which of us is the debate coach working with children to make them effective communicators?

6. I am running or tabbing 6 tournaments over the course of 7 weeks. So what you might want to do is, when you send me an email, tell me which tournament you're talking about and, if I wouldn't know you from Job's turkey, what school you represent. You may not believe this, but I have not kept up my dues in the Make America Psychic Again association.

7. Do not ask me if you will get off the waitlist. Ask the people ahead of you if they're planning to drop their entries. They know better than I do.

8. Does the fact that this is a high school tournament have any bearing on your decision to register your middle school?

9. Yes, the fact that instead of registering as your school you registered as some made-up organization that, when I googled it (which, yes, I do when a registration looks bogus), I found nothing, is why I didn't accept your registration.

10. Oh. You're a "concierge coach" who's taken on the job of registering people as if they're representing their schools when in fact the school hasn't the foggiest notion that little Kermit is on the road that weekend. Of course I put you on the top of my list. Of course.

11. Send me a nasty email and make a whole bunch of demands. That always works.

12. I am now going out to the movies after 6 hours of tournament work. I've earned a little time off.