Wheelin' and dealin' - A Buyer's Guide

I love the horse trading that goes along with running a tournament. (Discounting, of course, the abject pleas for more slots from O’C, which comes with every tournament. Including his own.)

The thing is, there are only so many slots to be had at any tournament because buildings do not endlessly expand to take in the load delivered, plus if there’s too many people, tabbing becomes impossible. And there are only so many judges to be hired because, well, someone collects a pool of judges for sale, and they can cover only so many slots, and there you are. While you can count on a fairly predictable contraction of numbers from the opening to the closing of registration, at the big popular tournaments like the Pups, which is one of the big events of the season (and for some people, the big event), you’ll still probably fill up all the space. So you have to be careful about making promises you can’t keep.

That said, there are some tried and true ways of getting special consideration (or, for that matter, any consideration, aside from normal FIFO dealings, which dominate the proceedings), and I’m happy to share them.

• First of all, if I do you a favor of some sort, please reply with a simple thank you, unless you expect this to be the last favor you ever ask of me.
  
  
• Don’t have a history of blowing off judge obligations. While a case may be made for selling you judges to make up for your no-show judges, I’m happier selling those judges to teams whose judges are normally do-shows. Your money isn’t that important to me; as Brother John likes to quote Soddy, Fines can’t judge a round.
  
  
• Have a really good story. I like to be entertained as much of the next person. And if you really do have a hardship of some sort, you’ll probably get precisely the consideration we would want if we were in that same tough situation. We are only human, after all. (This applies to debate events that I’m directing; it you’re talking about speech events that JV is directing, that whole only human thing is totally off the table.) (Unless you’re bleeding or vomiting.)
  
  
• If you want extra slots, cover their judging.
  
  
• Come from far away. If you need to buy some plane tickets, we know you need to plan early. If you’re from relatively nearby, you can wait until the others are taken care of.
  
  
• Don’t blame me for your problems. As I said at the top, there is only so much space and so many judges. Since the people who complain the most have never run a lemonade stand much less a national tournament, if you want to whine, and especially if you want to whine publicly with a theoretical letter to the Times, think twice about that. If you want to help, on the other hand, we can probably find a place for you. Either you’re right and you can show us the error of our ways, or you’re wrong, and you’ll understand why things are the way they are. John Stuart Mill would advise roughly the same thing.
  

Mostly, be patient. Things usually do work out well. The tournament directors want everybody to be happy from day one, and the tab room wants to go home early just as much as you do. Presume good intentions. I mean, you’re willing to make all sorts of cockamamie presumptions when judging a debate round. Can’t we ask you to make just one more?