Tales of Great Golf/Debate Adventure

Even as the day dawned, most of the northeast was already at a fever pitch. It was the day of the ErsatzDeAd, the epic contest that would mark the one year countdown to DisAd14, while also acting as a sop in lieu of the much missed DisAd13. How could such a day be celebrated? What could conceivably bear the weight of all that history and expectation and the unspoken longings of an entire generation plus a couple of other generations, with people coming from far and wide except for the ones who didn’t come or really only had to roll out of bed to get there?

Miniature golf, of course.

It was beautiful weather Saturday. The golf course is right next to Stuyvesant, and I walked down from GCT, savoring it all. Of course, the next time I walk the High Line I’m bringing a whip: even strolling I can’t move as slowly as some of these people. And as much as I like the idea of the HL, it is becoming such a tourist attraction that it’s almost better to avoid it. After getting off and doing the remaining distance on the walk by the Hudson, I was much happier.

Kaz was already there when I arrived, and JV was there a minute later, as was Kate. The daughter and I were the only ones appropriately attired in Disney regalia. What is wrong with these people? And let’s face it, who doesn’t want to see JV in a Mickey ears hat? Whatever. As time passed, soon a text arrived from O’C saying that he was running a little late. Shockingly enough, when this was announced to the crowd, none of us were surprised. O’C running a little late? And he practically lives on the fourteenth hole? C’est la vie.

He arrived eventually. I must say, he at least got into the spirit of the thing, with his tam o’shanter and plus fours. I think arriving in Liberace’s limousine was a bit much, and no one else needed a caddy, but, well, style is as style does, and one just goes with the flow.

The course was pretty decent. Not a lot of windmills or dancing hippos or other elaborate obstacles, but there were holes you had to get the ball into, and that was good enough. We began with a reorientation session, trying to explain to O’C how to hold the club so that he had at least a marginal chance of looking like he knew what he was doing. This turned out to be a game of diminishing returns. He would do what you told him to do, sort of, and then his concentration would drift off… He doesn’t have the cold, steely determination of a professional golfer, in other words. The fact that he spent the entire game on his iPhone texting, tweeting, snapchatting, vining, instagramming, emailing, checking in and buffing his toenails, I would offer that he is unlikely to evidence any steely determination, period, except where it comes to social networking (and keeping his nails buffed). The fact that while we were playing miniature golf, freebooters might be descending on Japonica to oust him from the mayoralty must have also played heavily on his mind.

The game itself was the paradigm of excitement. I got off to a slow start myself, still in the midst of my golf sabbatical as I am, and after nine holes, JV and Kate were tied for first, with me two strokes back, and Kaz a couple of strokes back from that. O’C’s score by this time was mostly asterisks, and it went down from there. On the back nine, while the two leaders fought it out, I made my move, as the sports journalists like to say, with two holes-in-one, but the water hole stole my thunder, and in the end, I managed only a second place finish. JV was the big winner, by one stroke. At this point he announced that he had done his best not to be too competitive, although his going off and doing a two-hour victory dance sort of undermined his alleged complacency. As for me, I shrugged off my defeat, knowing that I am now 1 and 2 in two outings, and that a rematch in Orlando at the DisAd14 will be my chance to set things aright.

After the excitement died down, we went off into the city to celebrate, or drown our sorrows, depending on who you were and how you did. There were occasional discussions of items forensical, but not so’s you’d notice. In a nutshell, a splendid time was had by all. Things bode well for DisAd14!