I wasn't there, but thanks to my spies for forwarding me an early copy of next year's proposed LD resolutions.
1. Resolved: The United States ought to limit non-citizens to persons of the French persuasion, Canadian comedians and the Pope.
2. Resolved: It is morally permissible for debate judges to beat their heads against the wall if a debater is spouting nonsense. If it's really serious nonsense, they can beat the debaters' heads against the wall.
3. Resolved: In the United States, possession of hand lotion ought be limited to really old people.
4. Resolved: Incidents of lese majesty against tab room staffs should not be tolerated except by those who do not know the meaning of lese majesty.
5. Resolved: When in conflict, morality is just and ought to be legally permissible.
6. Resolved: A just government ought to keep for three days in the refrigerator.
7. Resolved: A just society ought to value societal justice over just socializing.
8. Resolved: College students ought to shut up.
9. Resolved: In the United States, we are not outside of the United States. (Jumping up and down doesn’t count.)
10. Resolved: If it moves, shoot it.
11. Resolved: Individuals ought to be prioritized above pasta dishes, except for lasagna.
12. Resolved: Gender will only get you so far, but, well, there you are.
By me, this is one of the best lists ever. I can definitely see #5 at next year's NatNats. After that, it's a toss-up.
1 comment:
Love it.
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