My life

A typical Wednesday:

3:00 a.m. Text message from O’C telling me he’s updated his Facebook page.

6:00 a.m. Stare into face of ever punctual alarm cat. Get out of bed and get some exercise while listening to podcasts (either Wait Wait, TWIT or WDW Radio).

6:45 a.m. Turn on telephone. Read text message from O’C about updating his Facebook page. Perform morning ablutions.

7:25 a.m. Breakfast. Read the Times and the comics (all on paper). Post rude comment on O’Cs Facebook page.

7:45 a.m. Morning commute to work. Listen to audiobook. (At the moment, First Lord’s Fury.)

8:30 a.m. Turn on DJ computer and sort through morning messages. Do some real work.

10:00 a.m. Check personal email. Contribute to correspondence with Bietz, O’C and CP about why we once again can’t do our regularly scheduled TVFT. Plan to resume discussion next Wednesday at 10:00 a.m.

10:05 a.m. DJ continues.

10:43 a.m. Inadvertently interrupt spiel from boss’s boss, telling him that there’s no warrant to the claim he just made. Crawl under conference room table.

11:13 a.m. Read tweet from daughter proving yet again that her life is much more interesting than mine.

11:24 a.m. Read text from O’C proving yet again that his life is [fill in blank].

11:45 a.m. Sandwich at desk. Check personal email. Read registration changes to tournament this coming weekend. Fail to record any of them.

12:02 p.m. Scour internet for articles for Coachean Feed, DJ blog, annoyance of O’C, etc. Wonder for the millionth time who exactly Snooki is.

12:30 p.m. DJ resumes.

2:00 p.m. Walk next door for grande nonfat latte. Ogle latest technology at the Apple store.

2:10 p.m. Read private email while drinking latte. 3 people can’t figure out tabroom.com and have requested technical help. 7 people can figure out tabroom.com and have requested psychological help. Speecho-American Sailor signs up for tournament conducted three months ago. Ayn Rand fan club doesn’t care if I join them or not. Ayn Rand fans in Nigeria and elsewhere tell me that I have money, women and rejuvenated body parts awaiting me.

2:15 p.m. DJ resumes.

2:48 p.m. Turn around in chair so that if I fall asleep reading romance novel no one will notice.

2:51 p.m. Fall asleep in chair reading romance novel.

2:53 p.m. Wake up wondering if the ballots are in from round 4.

2:54 p.m. DJ resumes. Reject boring romance novel.

5:00 p.m. Check private email. O’C has ordered the trophies for the next 425 tournaments and says I know I love them. I know no such thing.

5:15 p.m. Evening commute. More audiobook.

6:00 p.m. Visit Aged P. Tell her I would be a better person if she had been a better mother. She tells me that if I had more schools, all my troubles would go away. Wonder when Aged P joined the NFL.

6:35 p.m. Arrive home. Turn on music. Prepare dinner. Eat dinner. Discuss the day’s events worthy of discussion, if any, with spouse.

8:00 p.m. Watch episode from Season 6 of E.R.

9:00 p.m. Turn on computer. Update podcasts, audiobooks and music. Scour RSS again.

10:00 p.m. Carry cat alarm up the stairs to the bedroom. Turn off phone in case there’s more messages from O’C. Brush cat alarm. Give cat alarm fresh water. Perform evening ablutions while trying not to trip over cat alarm.

10:15 p.m. Read.

10:16 p.m. Fall asleep.

A typical Thursday:

Rinse.

Repeat.