The Facebook Mother Update Generator

(With a nod to O’C.)

The Facebook Mother Update Generator is an application available to all Facebook members that allows them to maintain their real lives while presenting an active unreal life to their mothers. You know the story. One day you stupidly explained Facebook to your mother, the next day she signed up, and the day after that you befriended her. What were you thinking?

But the MUG will solve your problem by creating a special set of updates that only your mother can see, and better still, she won’t be able to see your regular updates. So, you want to go out drinking absinthe with sadistic transvestites every night? Mom never needs to know. When she checks your Facebook page, she’ll see that you were attending choir practice. Again. With pictures to prove it. A dream come true or what?

To MUG your mother, first you must sign up for the application. Then simply answer a handful of relevant questions regarding your religion, your hobbies (the ones Mom knows about, that is) and your marital status, and supply us with a handful of photos that we can PhotoShop into likely situations, and MUG will do the rest.

Sample updates:

“Went to church/temple/sweat-lodge last night. Met nice girl/guy/horse who wants me to meet the parents. I told him/her/it we should go slow. So we went bowling/antiquing/crocheting instead.”

“Haven’t had a drink/drug/STD for two years now. My rabbi/priest/shaman was very encouraging.”

“Cell battery died again so I couldn’t call Mom. Goshdarnit!”

“Finally losing/gaining some weight. All those clothes the family/tribe/support-group bought me for Christmas/Kwanzaa/Armageddon finally fit!”

And that’s just a sampling. Plus, for each update, we provide a photo of you from your original submissions, tastefully edited to support your claim of being a good son/daughter/t.b.d. And while all this is going on, you can live your normal life unbeknownst to Mom back at home sitting at her computer when she should be watching MURDER SHE WROTE reruns.

To sign up for MUG, just go to facebook.mugyourmom.com and we’ll do the rest!