VoLuMe CoNtRoL; how-to-register-for-tournaments paradigm revealed (at last!)

So I listened to Loquitur on CatNats, and it goes like this: “HELLO. Hello. “HOW ARE YOU?” I am fine. How are you? (If you’re not reading this on my page, you may not get the point.) I’ve got two words for these guys: editing. I can understand that they’re not the CBS Nightie News or whatever, but editing the material to the same volume wouldn’t kill them. Hell, I edit my stuff all the time, mostly taking out far-from-pregnant pauses (do I really talk like Captain Kirk on valium in normal life?). Anyhow, it’s the material that’s ultimately what matters, and if you’re CatNatting you should listen to this, but don’t be shocked when the interviewee refers to the resolution as setting up a false dichotomy. Quelle surprise, as the Old Baudleroo used to say while photographing the Disneyland parking lot for posterity (and no wonder he died, now that the parking lot is Disney’s California Misadventure). If there were some burning issue at stake, if “fine arts” were pitted against athletics in any meaningful way in the secondary education arena, perhaps one might feel that the argument is worth pursuing, but it’s just not so. Anyone from the real world (and of course that doesn’t include debaters) will be scratching their heads and wondering what the hell we’re talking about; this would be, I’m afraid, quite a few of the usual breed of parental CatNat judges. Debaters will be forced to act as if the dichotomy is real and proceed from there. A few hearty souls might attempt to critique the resolution on the grounds that it’s totally bogus, but if you think debate per se gets parental CatNat judges to scratch their heads, try running a critique of a resolution. They’ll be scratching halfway down to their pelvises over that one.

Was that in any way, shape or form a decent metaphor? I have to admit that I’m a little out of sorts, since last night I ported over TNC to E-TRPC. In fact, I’m halfway at my wit’s end, or more to the point I’m contemplating the end of the halfwits who don’t understand the concept of registering for tournaments. It works like this (you might want to take notes):
1. Establish which of your students are going to the tournament
2. Register those students
3. Bring them to the tournament
Granted, this is a complex series of operations, and only trained professionals should attempt it, either at home or on a test track. But after a few decades even the mightiest spalpeen ought to be able to get the hang of it.
GRRRRRRR!!!!!!

I would probably be in a more genial mood if, as I said yesterday, things weren’t crazy at the 9-5. I need a debate tournament to get my head together. Oh, look. There’s one tomorrow. Just in the nick of time.