Ah, Wichita in the spring. WTF is soliciting advice on things to do, and a mention of something called Wild West World was included. Apparently this is a new theme park (you’ll have to guess what the theme is, which is very difficult given the name of the place) and I went to their website, which tells you little other than who manufactured all the rides. Very ACE of them… I was struck by the fact that the Chinese Acrobats are their featured performers this summer. No doubt led by Tex Wong and Lefty Hsu. Then again, go west enough and, yep, there’s China.
The ACE is, of course, the American Coaster Enthusiasts. Personally I think they should have found some way to make it ACME, but they got what they got. I know this guy who very much considers himself and his son coaster enthusiasts: they literally travel every vacation of their lives exclusively to amusement parks to ride roller coasters. Ohio, for them, is Mecca, and since they refuse to fly anywhere, it’s also about as far as they can reasonably get in their allotted amounts of time. (Why are so many unlikely people flyophobes, or whatever you call them? My favorite was Isaac Asimov. I mean, Isaac, really, you of all people…) For them, Disney is about as tantalizing as a grits factory, although there was a little frisson when I was describing Expedition Everest. Anyhow, these guys live to go on roller coasters, but as they put it, while they may be enthusiasts, the ACE people are extremists. They literally do live on roller coasters. Comment from ACEr: “I’ve ridden this one 5,203,283 times since it opened last week. That’s a record.” Response from fellow ACEr: “Damn, I’ve only ridden it 5,203,279 times. I’ll never catch up.” At which point responder secretly slips a little Sal Hepatica on the record-holder’s deep-fried Mars Bar, in the obscure hope of stealing an advantage. ACE people know every coaster, who made it, when, how. And the internet provides them with everything they lovingly need to pursue their hobby. Personally I enjoy the computer simulations of rides, usually provided by the parks themselves. It saves wear and tear on the brain (which, like O’C’s, can be shaken loose if you’re not paying attention during a ride) but still gives you a sense of the thing. No matter how you slice it, I’m a wood guy myself. I don’t really care about inversions and corkscrews. I like that feel that the whole matchstick structure is going to collapse way before you get through with the ride. Metal coasters may turn you into mush, but your sense of danger is only that you’ll fall out of it. With woodies, the sense of danger is that the whole thing will fall apart. It’s the difference between fear of your own inadequacies versus fear of the collected inadequacies of everyone you’ve ever met, and a few that you haven’t. As fears go, the latter is easily the landslide winner. But then again, speaking of landslides, coasters in Japan are built to withstand earthquakes, a regular phenomenon which may hit while you’re riding. Now there’s perhaps the ultimate winner in the paranoia, when the entire earth collapses under you while you’re 400 feet in the air wondering about air time. Aaaaiiiieeeeeeee!!!!!!!
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