Part One: Bracketology
First of all, four new brackets:
Northeast LD Schools
LD Philosophers
Frenchies
And especially for Chris Palmer: Composers
I’m going to collect these somewhere shortly, when I get a minute. It’s my greatest contribution to debate since the invention of the crappy prize.
Part Two: Disney Joins the VCA
Last week Disney announced a line of bridal wear based on its princess characters. You have to ask yourself, are they reading this blog? Are they doing this just for me?
This schmatta-fest obviously makes the WDW wedding all that much more literal a version of a fairy tale come true. The girl who grew up identifying with Belle can now wear a Belle-inspired wedding gown. I do pity the poor schlemazel she marries, who presumably she considers something of a beast, but there’s not much to be done for that, except maybe to convince la fiancée to go instead for Ariel, Aurora, Cinderella, Jasmine or Snow White, the other possibilities. (I do hope there’s a place for legs in the Ariel outfit.) Then again, what does the Cinderella gown say to the bride’s long-suffering stepmother? And what are the seven bridesmaid’s outfits like that go with the Snow White ensemble? Even the old Baudleroo would be dumbfounded by the possibilities, and would tighten his grip on to the parking lot even that much more, if he had only lived long enough to hear about it.
I’m just scratching the surface of the problems with this stuff, of course. Going back to the new pro-gay marriage Disney policy, let’s face it, this is a real slap in the face to gay guys (although at least neither of them has to be the implied beast). On the other hand, lesbians are faced with the problems of wearing the same dress (dueling Jasmines) or facing possible princess clash (Aurora vs Ariel, a Celebrity Deathmatch if there ever was one). I don’t even want to begin to explain the problems these gowns will cause for the inner princess lurking within the transsexuals in the audience. Which means that, in one swell foop, every conceivable sexual orientation and/or clothes orientation is sent into something of a tizzy over one small gown collection. And I’ll bet you’ve been underestimating the power of fashion all these years.
Then again, as my wife put it, much more succinctly than I ever could: “Grow up.”
Part Three: Debate: The Motion Picture
It’s not surprising that there is now a movie out about debate, or so they say over at WTF. I’m surprised it took so long. Certainly I’ve seen various debate mentions or scenes in movies and tv shows in the past, but never serious ones. As a rule, debate is code in show biz for nerd alert. The cool kids do anything but, and the uncool kids are recognized as such because they’re on the debate team. (And, also, because they dress like refugee clowns from outer space.) Obviously this is far from true in real life, where debate is simply one cool hottie piled on top of another, until there’s nothing but a mountain, nay, a veritable Everest of hotties and coolness.
Wait a minute. Maybe I’m thinking of something else.
I never have been able to figure out what it is that brings newbies to the team year after year, what resonances the word debate has in their empty little middle school minds that makes them think that this activity is for them when they make it to high school. It’s not like, say, the Tropical Fish Society, where presumably you already have some tropical fish, and the idea of schmoozing with other tropical fishists sounds like an aquarium made in heaven. You don’t come to debate already debating, nor probably having much of an idea what debating is (unless you’re a legacy, which has a blinding effect all its own). You don’t come to debate because you’re a nerd, and you’ve heard that debate is where all the nerds go. It’s not even that you’re smart, and you’ve heard that debate is where all the smart kids go, because there are plenty of smart kids who don’t join debate (because they think it’s for nerds) and plenty of dumb kids who do join debate and who coincidentally are not nerds (and who, lucky for them, come out smarter in the end for having done so, but I think that they’re too dumb for this to be their original motivation). As I say, I have no idea what people’s preconceptions are, nor what would work toward building a conception that would attract more (or for that matter, any) people when it comes time for recruitment. In any case, it’s nice to believe that there may be a movie which, if it does nothing else, will have some relatively reasonable and true depiction of the debate universe. With Sean Astin as the coach, no less. Samwise Gamgee himself. Patty Duke’s little boy Sean.
Interesting.
Of course, for all I know, the movie is a bust, and from what one can read about it on the net, debate is just a part of it (and for that matter, high school is just a part of it). I would love to see the proverbial perfect high school debate movie, and I would imagine it would be based to some degree on the action in Nostrum, which strikes me as accurate, if occasionally dated. I don’t know about you, but regardless of the content of my proverbial perfect high school debate movie, I certainly do have the proverbial perfect cast for it (although some of the ages of the actors are a little off):
Smallville High School Administration:
Principal: Jeri Ryan
Asst Principal / Dean of Discipline: Anthony Perkins
Smallville Debate Team:
Coach: Charlie Sheen
Asst Coach: Paul Reubens
Policy A varsity team: Penn Jillette, Teller
Policy B varsity team: Wil Wheaton, Jessica Simpson
Policy novice team: Mickey Rooney, Judy Garland
LD A varsity debater: Tom Cruise
LD B varsity debater: Will Smith
LD novice debater: Keanu Reeve
Tabroom Staff: James Doohan
(Computers courtesy HAL 9000)
TOC Director: Clint Eastwood
NFL Director: John Waters
CFL Director: Audrey Hepburn (Sister Luke)
Defeat Longjohns Website:
Webmaster: The Rock
Managing Editor: Woody Allen
Catering:
“Iams: the Debater Chow You Can Trust”
Okay. Tell me you wouldn’t go see this movie, no matter how well or poorly it’s reviewed.
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