And so begins the chez reconstruction project. The basement (or LD HQ, as it is often known) will grow a new door where the TV is now, the computers will go across from that door, and that whole area will be for the future lounging of Sailor chezzers. The area previously used for Sailor chezzer lounging will be the new TV area, where I will be able to keep up with the three TV shows I watch on anything resembling a regular basis, plus the umpty-ump DVDs (note to NY Times: there is no apostrophe in a pluralization) I keep renting from NetFlix which keep me from having to subscribe to much in the way of cable TV. (I’ve been time shifting since two days before Kt was born; NetFlix takes time shifting to new heights/depths.) In any case, during the renovations, I have no idea how much of the family room will be available, so I’ve moved up to Kt’s room (note to NY Times: there is an apostrophe in a possessive) for the duration. Unfortunately, the wireless can’t get past the forcefield of the cordless phone in the kitchen, so I’ll be scrambling hither and thither for a lot of stuff, but I will soldier through like the brave coach that I am. Must I FTP from a comfy chair? Then I shall FTP from a comfy chair. Nothing will stop me from my appointed rounds.
I think I finally have all the podcasting stuff working correctly. I found the amplification controls in Audacity, which means that in order to hear something you won’t have to listen in the vacuum of space in the future, and I’m quite comfortable with all the hardware. My only issue is that Audacity is tetchy once in a while; as a precaution, I simply open and close it a lot, since it works fine when it’s fresh. I’ve looked at other software options, but they all look so complicated, and not free. The only thing I’d consider at this point is GarageBand 3, but I’m not going to upgrade iLife just for that. Of course, I could RTFM and figure out how to record voice in GB2, but life is short, and so are many of the people in it, especially the younger ones, so the chances of that are slim, unlike most people, except for the younger ones. And there you are.
When I last saw him today, a hungry (but stalwartly demented) Tik pronounced teek was biding his time before his operation. This is the one that's like a lobotomy, only from the other end. Or, bris gone wild, as some like to call it. There is some hope that having him switch operating systems to Unix may make a difference in his behavior. Pip and I, for two, however, are not holding our collective breath.
And, from the all-you-have-to-do-is-ask shelf, I have just received the following from good old Herman Melville:
Dear Mr. Menick,
How are you? I am fine.
Things are incredibly busy here at LD Ground Zero as we prepare for our next wave of hardy summer debaters. We will be studying Marx and Lenin, and hoping nobody gets the Trotskys from the food in the cafeteria (ha ha – that’s a little Communist humor that someone your age will probably appreciate). We have added some fine new staff; you may have missed their profiles on our site, so I’m including my favorite here.
In a surprise coup (it wasn’t easy, but we beat out Kentucky for him in what will enter the history books as a truly titanic arm-wrestling contest), Antonin Scalia will be joining us for the second session. Nino, as he is known by everyone who’s ever been judged by him, all of whom received 20 speaker points and were dropped, has a fine, sturdy background in constitutional law, which, however, he will not be drawing on this summer, as he will be leading our Hindus for Jesus program. Additionally we know that Nino makes a fine hunting and fishing companion, provided there’s a free seat available on the junket, so he will be leading our more adventurous students on treks into the foothills to scavenge for diamondbacks for our chef’s famous Stew Surprise. We are lucky to have Nino for these two weeks; normally he spends his summer vacation at Ann Coulter’s house, drinking mojitos and generally raving it up in high conservative style. We are sure our campers will welcome him with open arms, and one hand on their wallet at all times. (Please note that the Bill of Rights will not be in effect during Justice’s Scalia’s stay at the camp.)
We will also be inaugurating our latest new innovative program, Preteen Pomo, aimed at incoming Middle Schoolers. We here at Defeat Longjohns strongly believe that no student is too young for Derrida, Foucault and the vast host of postmodernists that make our contemporary world go round, in a manner of speaking, if speaking does, in fact, exist. Our Preteen Pomo group, comprising elementary grades 3-6, begins with a study of Nietzsche, then a quick survey of Wittgenstein (we do expect them to have done most of this reading before they arrive at the camp), at which point we shift their little paradigms and assign them to translate Paul Auster novels into French for the vast, hungry Gallic audience (we split the translation fees with them 50/50). It is our hope that by the time they reach high school, our PPs as we call them will be ready to critique anything that hops, flies, swims or crawls on its slimy little belly in whatever ooze it happens to find itself. We are expecting this program to be exceptionally popular; two people have already signed up, mere days before the camp opens.
We do wish you were able to join us for this late summer session. The rumor around our campfires is that you have found our standard $5000 fee (5K a pop for just about everything, that is) unsatisfactory. If this is true, maybe we can do something about it. As you may know, we are about to run our annual Clam-Digger Sale, where our famous designer men’s high-water pants (also known as Capris or pedal-pushers) will be available at half price. Displaying as they do our camp logo, and being especially useful when you’re up to your ankles in b.s., we trust that once again our Clam-Diggers will be a solid hit with male LDers around the country. If so, perhaps we can sweeten the pot for your participation in the camp. All of us here long to sit through your legendary and apparently eternal lecture, From Neanderthal to Neufchatel, as well as your ruminations on Beauregard, Beauchamps and Beau Bridges. It is time for you to share the wealth of your scholarship, such as it is. Please do consider joining us for our end of summer conflagration. If you’ll even nod in our direction, we can no doubt throw even more money in yours.
Your friend,
Herman Melville
Camp Counselor
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