Here’s some of my emails, slightly edited, from various college tournaments.
Q: Why can’t I see my registration?
A: You don’t have one.
Q: Why can’t I see my entries?
A: You didn’t put in any.
Q: Where am I on the wait list?
A: I just moved you to the very bottom as punishment for
asking this question which I already told you I couldn’t answer. There are now 103
teams ahead of you.
Q: I have no judge, and I’m an independent, unchaperoned
entry. What are my chances of getting into the tournament?
A: Think snowballs. Think hell.
Q: Why can’t I see my invoice?
A: Your glasses are dirty? You’re stone cold drunk? You’re
Donald Trump?
Q: Could you please relate to me all the information that is
in the invitation?
A: No.
Q: I signed up yesterday for your tournament next week, and I need to get plane tickets
and hotel rooms. I’m obviously important because I come from far away. Why
aren’t you taking me off the waitlist?
A: You're right. I’m moving you up the list, right before the
snowballs/hell entry.
Q: If you don’t let in all my entries, I’m dropping my
entire registration. So there!
A: That’s not a question. And I’ve got 103 teams in one
division alone who will be happy not to see you.
High school tournaments aren’t quite as bad. You get the
feeling that high school tournaments are attended by people who’ve attended
tournaments in the past, while college tournaments somehow seem to get the
runoff from the school's Tropical Fish Club venturing forth for the first time.
Makes you feel sorry for the koi.
No comments:
Post a Comment