More articles we didn't finish reading

These headlines are all real, directly copied from our RSS feed without editing. When we say we didn't read them, we mean it. They didn't exactly pull us in, for some reason...

• Foxes Chew Up Shoes Of London Cabaret Dancers
  
• The U.S. Conducted Atomic Weapons Tests on Beer
  
• The One Crucial Test That Any Judge Dredd Movie MUST Pass
  
• Marx and Breast-Feeding
  
• Jill Biden's Long, Unintentional Description of Joe Biden's Penis Earns Cheers from Crowd
  
• Flaming Dance Swords Might Be A Little Bit Dangerous